


After all

by ShyBear



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Aliyah O'Brein, Charlotte Sullivan, F/F, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-28 02:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 29,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/986777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyBear/pseuds/ShyBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Season 4, Episode 13</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Collateral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am finally done. Thank you for reading this, it is my very first work of fan fiction. Please let me know what you think.

Everyone was there, everyone, a sea of blue uniforms against the pastel green of the emergency room waiting area. Andy had disappeared with the surgeon over an hour ago and still no word. The yellow and white plastic seat digging mercilessly into Gail's back seemed to be the only thing keeping her awake, or would be if it weren't for Holly's hand, fingers laced with hers, nestled both comforting and terrifying on her lap between her own. Holly, who cared enough to show up for her, Holly who laughed at her verbal daggers where others had fled, and Holly, with whom she had completely dropped her walls and kissed, much to both of their surprise.

Just yesterday, everything seemed fine, normal, as it should be, and now like a lifetime ago. The events of the last forty-eight hours would be bad enough if Oliver's abduction didn't bring back the terror of her own kidnapping with a vengeance. Earlier at the station, Holly had come to see her, but all she could do was run before Holly's caring touch could shatter her composure like the brittle ice she felt like she'd become. And now, here they were sitting hand in hand in front of everyone.

The doctor reemerged looking exhausted and grim. Everyone rose to their feet again as one unit.

"Ok people" he said "I know you are waiting to hear some news. Officer Swarek is out of surgery and in critical condition in ICU. I won't have anything else to tell you for at least several hours. Go home people, go home. We will be sure to notify your sergeant if there is any change."

A rumble, like the growl of a big dog, came from the crowd of gathered officers.

"All right, you heard the doctor." Said Frank "Most of us have been on this for more than forty-eight hours. Go home, get some sleep. I will need you all on the top of your game in the morning. I will inform you just as soon as I hear anything, anything at all."

The crowd grumbled, shifted, and began to disperse in little groups of twos and threes. Gail found herself being numbly steered by her elbow in the direction of Holly's car. She stopped in her tracks.

"Wait, wait, where are we going?" She asked Holly as if awakening from a dream.

"I was going to drive you home" said Holly in a gentle voice.

"No, no wait... Oliver..." said Gail, voice trailing off as a silent tear rolled unwittingly down her cheek.

"Ok" Holly reached out to cup Gail's cheek in her hand and wiped away the tear with her thumb.

"Oh God! Please don't be nice to me. I can't fall apart here!" flashed desperately through Gail's mind as she quickly pulled away from Holly's caress.

Holly looked steadily at her. "Let's go find him." Holly said, once again taking Gail by the hand.

Knocking softly, they entered a darkened room. Celery rose quickly, standing protectively between them and the prone figure on the bed.

"It's ok, I'm here, I'm here..." Said Oliver in a groggy voice, holding a hand out to Gail.

"Hey Oliver." whispered Gail "I just had to see you."

"We got him, didn't we? We got him…" said Oliver, clearly half asleep.

"Yes, yes, we did." Gail managed, pesky silent tears escaping from her eyes again.

"And you!" Oliver said, pointing a haphazard finger at Holly. "You take good care of her."

"That is just what I intend to do." said Holly in a shaky voice

As they turned to go, Celery caught them in both in an embrace before Gail had time to react. Kissing them each on the cheek she said "Thank you!"

Gail slumped silently in the passenger seat of Holly's car, pretending to stare mindlessly out the windshield at the pre-dawn city. She watched Holly nervously glancing at her out of the corner of her eye, excruciatingly aware of Holly's hand resting on her left knee. Even with all that had happened, the memory of that kiss still lingered on her lips, making her heat race. She was so tired. And then there was that ache, that longing to be wanted, to be held, a feeling that she had never experienced before with such intensity. It overwhelmed her, made her feel naked, and angry that she could be this vulnerable. She scowled and looked out the passenger window hoping Holly wouldn't notice.

"So, here we are" said Holly, pulling up in front of Gail's apartment and shutting off the car.

"Here we are." Gail echoed, staring at her knees.

They sat there for a moment in silence. Then Gail shyly reached out to take Holly's hand.

"I don't know how I would have made it without you," she admitted, her heart beating faster.

"I'm not going anywhere" said Holly in a barely audible voice.

Gail felt like something inside of her was cracking and melting.

"Please," She whispered, in a small voice that nearly stopped Holly's heart, "I don't want to be alone." She turned, wide eyed to look into Holly's eyes for the first time since they entered the car.

Holly couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was, her already pale features bleached blue white under the street light in the early morning gloom, her skin almost translucent with fatigue.

"I'm here" replied Holly quietly. 

Neither of them moved.

"Actually," said Gail "Can we go back to your place?" quickly adding "It's not you, it's them. I just can't deal with any of them right now."

Holly smiled a warm, goofy smile, that would have annoyed the fuck out of Gail if it had been anyone else.

"Ok" said Holly, letting go of Gail's hand to start the car.

"Good" Gail replied, leaning back in her seat and closing her eyes.

Half an hour, or an eternity later, they pulled into Holly's parking space in the garage under Holly's building. Shutting off the car, Holly turned to look at her. With her eyes closed, Gail looked younger, almost fragile, it made Holly feel fiercely protective. She leaned over to tenderly kiss Gail on the cheek to wake her, but Gail was not sleeping. The brush of Holly's warm, soft lips against her cheek brought a sharp intake of breath, and a stampede of wild horses in Gail's solar plexus. Opening her eyes, Gail turned to catch Holly's lips with her own, while reaching up to tangle her right hand in Holly's hair. She felt rather than simply heard Holly sigh and moan softly as she closed her eyes and opened her mouth, meeting Holly's soft waiting tongue with hers. It was a strange, wonderful and terrifying feeling that melted her insides completely as the kiss became deeper and more intense. Sure, she had done this with guys before, but it had never felt like this. A shock of electricity coursed through her As she began to slide her left hand up Holly's intoxicatingly soft, firm stomach under her shirt. 

Holly's head was spinning, but she knew they should stop, for now. Gail needed to sleep more than she needed this. With great effort she pulled away slightly. 

"Gail" Holly panted "Let's go upstairs"

Gail looked into her eyes, nodded, and reached up to kiss her again. It was a long, slow kiss that could have gone somewhere if Holly hadn't pulled away again and gotten out of the car saying, "No, really, come on."

Gail groaned and let her head drop back against the headrest of her seat.

"Really?!" Gail said in her bitchiest tone, and glared, unused to having anyone else put on the breaks once she had made her move. But Holly only laughed and came around to open her door.

"Fine." Gail pouted, as she unbuckled her seatbelt and prayed that her legs would support her. 

Holly smiled, extended a hand and pulled her to her feet. Gail expected her to let go as soon as she was on her feet, but Holly's hand remained firmly in hers as they walked toward the elevator. Panic began to set in as Holly pushed the button for her floor. Gail liked sex, and she was used to getting her way with men who found her ice queen beauty irresistible. She had often used it as a balm to make her pain, anger, and frustration go away, if only for a little while. This was different and she knew it. She knew she wanted Holly in every way, but now she was suddenly feeling insecure. She hated being insecure. Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her uniform jacket, she followed Holly out of the elevator, and down the hall. Holly took out her keys and opened the door to a spacious apartment. Walking into the living room Gail took it all in in one sweeping glance, from the overflowing bookshelves lining the walls, to the low modern furniture with it's clean lines, to the black marble topped counter that divided the kitchen from the rest of the living space.

"Oh my God! You are such a nerd!" smirked Gail staring pointedly at the coffee table covered in open scientific journals.

Holly smiled, extended a hand saying "Coat please," sharply reminding Gail of the first time Holly had kissed her.  
She removed her jacket slowly, and fumbled with the straps on her kevlar vest, exhaustion returning suddenly, making sway unsteadily on her feet, jacket and vest falling in a crumpled heap on the floor from her hands. She sagged. Suddenly Holly was there, catching her in a fierce embrace she hadn't known she needed, until just then. Wrapping her arms around Gail, Holly kissed her on top of her head and murmured protectively " It's ok, I've got you, Love." 

The word just slipped out. It broke over Gail like a wave and she began to cry into Holly's shoulder, great silent sobs that threatened to tear her apart. Holly pulled her in tighter, holding her as she could not remember ever being held. They stayed there for a long time, Holly rocking her gently and stroking her hair until her sobs subsided. Somewhat embarrassed, Gail pulled away. 

"I'm sorry. I'm such a mess," she stammered still sniffling slightly, unable to look at Holly.

Holly cupped Gail's chin in her hand and turned Gail's face toward hers. "It's ok" she said leaning in to briefly kiss Gail on the lips with such tenderness it took Gail's breath away. Letting go of Gail, Holly said "The bathroom is over there if you would like to freshen up," directing Gail to an open door across the room, "There are towels on the left side of the sink, and a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet"

In-spite of feeling like the walking dead, Gail stepped into the shower, giving herself time to think. She let the hot water wash away her tears and the emotional rollercoaster of the past few days. Through it all, no one was like Holly, no one. As she thought about it, it scared her because she really didn't want to fuck this up.

Stepping from the shower, there was a soft knock on the door. She briefly thought about answering it naked, but wrapped herself in a towel instead. Holly was there wearing that smile again, holding out an old t-shirt and shorts. "I thought you might be more comfortable in these" she offered.

"Thanks!" Gail smiled back, accepting the soft cotton and closing the door to put them on. Reaching for the fresh toothbrush, Gail was struck by a bolt of hot jealousy as she thought about why Holly might keep one on hand.

Holly waited in a state of nervous impatience in her living room, pretending to read a book at first, but now pacing around the room. She knew she should put Gail on the pull out couch in her office, but she didn't want to. As Gail emerged from the bathroom, Holly stopped pacing and said,  
"There is a fairly comfortable pull out couch in my office, or you can..."  
"Yes,!" Gail interrupted stepping forward.  
Holly took a deep breath, heart racing, and lead Gail into her bedroom. They slid silently into the big low platform bed. Pulling Gail to her, Holly said, "You know we are going to have to talk about this, but not tonight. Go to sleep."  
Gail began to protest, but Holly kissed her softly, saying "Ssshhh, sleep."  
And finally, Gail let exhaustion win, wrapped in Holly's arms, feeling truly safe for the first time she could remember. Holly listened to Gail's breath against her shoulder become relaxed and even as she lay there stareing at the ceiling, aware of every inch of Gail's body pressed up against hers and the trust she knew that had brought Gail here.


	2. In the Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Gail goes home with Holly

Holly awoke, unsure when sleep had finally come, to find herself still tangled up in Gail. Neither of them had moved much during their few hours of rest, except now Gail was laying slightly on top of her, legs entwined, and somehow her arm had found its way under Holly's shirt and was wrapped around Holly's bare ribs. The slight contact of Gail's arm brushing up against the underside of Holly's breasts made Holly's mouth go dry. She found that she could scarcely dare to breathe. Ok, so she could finally admit it, if only to herself, she was falling hard. Still holding this woman who, in such a short amount of time had become so precious to her, she sighed and closed her eyes. Gail grumbled, shifted slightly, and pulled her in tighter.

Holly opened her eyes to find Gail watching her with wide, trusting, blue eyes that sent a physical shock through her entire body.

"Good Morning" she murmured

'Good Morning" Gail whispered back, the most adorable tiny hint of a smile playing around her lips.

And then Gail tilted her head up and kissed her on the lips without bothering to unwind from their embrace. It was a warm slow kiss that lingered for several heartbeats, full of promise.

"Um, Gail.." Holly began

'I don't ever want to move," murmured Gail, snuggling closer and nuzzling Holly's neck in a way that made it difficult to think, or form words.

"Um, Gail..." She tried again, heart pounding loudly against her ribs.

Gail shifted her weight slightly so it rested between Holly's legs, making Holly gasp involuntarily. She nuzzled Holly's neck again, and bit her gently on the ear, making Holly moan softly and her mind go blank. That moan made Gail's stomach do something funny, like it did on the first big hill of a rollercoaster, and caused a sudden gush of wetness between her legs. She could feel herself begin to tremble as Holly ran her hands down the length of her body and then back up under her shirt, leaving a trail of fire on her skin.

"Um, Gail..." gasped Holly, pulling away slightly, completely out of breath, "What are you doing?"

Gail answered this query by kissing Holly hard, tongue and teeth fully engaged. She suddenly knew exactly what it meant to feel like she was about to explode as Holly responded by arching her back, grinding her pelvis into Gail's, while moaning softly, and tangling her fingers in Gail's thick, blonde hair. 

With Herculean effort, Holly pulled away again, knowing that this would be the last time she would be able to stop before she completely lost control, ripped Gail's clothes off, and had her way with her, no matter what.

"Gail!" Holly said with as much force as she could "we gotta stop," breathing hard, she added " We need to talk about this."

"Fuck!" Gail exclaimed, flopping onto her back and covering her face with her arms "Don't you know that talk is over rated."

"Uh huh." Holly smiled, prying herself from the bed and heading in the direction of the bathroom.

Gail lay there listening to Holly puttering around her apartment for what seemed like an eternity. Frank hadn't exactly given her the day off, but he had told her to sleep in, take her time, and come in when she was ready to begin the mountain of paperwork and interview process required of any officer who had taken fire. Needless to say, she was in no rush. She sat up as Holly entered the room carrying two steaming cups of coffee. Holly handed her one, and sat facing her on the bed. They sipped their coffee in silence, knees touching. She forgave Holly for leaving her like that, coffee was almost as good as sex.

Holly watched Gail over the rim of her coffee. She had to start somewhere. Putting down her mug on the bedside table, and nervously adjusting her glasses Holly began.

"I like you." she said looking tentatively at Gail

"I like you too." Gail replied noncommittally

"No," said Holly beginning to gesture nervously with her hands "I really like you, and I know that you may not feel the same, and that's fine, you know, I mean, I can't make you feel things..." 

Gail was watching her intently.

"You do make me feel things." Gail interrupted in a quite voice

Holly stopped, almost afraid to breathe as Gail took both of her hands in hers.

"Last year, after I was taken," Gail began "I became so numb, and then you came into my crime scene carrying your stupid lunchbox"

"Forensic evidence bag" Holly corrected automatically

"Ok, whatever" Gail said "But you do make me feel things. You are funny, and you're beautiful, and you're smart, and I would rather be with you than with anyone, even if you are a nerd." She finally admitted

Holly let out a breath she didn't even know she had been holding and smiled.

"So now what?" Gail asked 

" I don't know." Holly replied "That depends largely on you and what you want."

"All I know is that I don't want to fuck this up, whatever this is." replied Gail


	3. Gail's headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the day for Gail.

Gail sat at her desk holding her head in her hands, the pain behind her eyes building from a slight ache, to a pick-axe in her scull. What she really wanted was a drink, or five. Holly had dropped her off at the station just after one, and it was well on its way to midnight now. The interview with Luke had been long, but not as bad as she had anticipated. The shit storm of paper work was another matter entirely; page after page of detailed reporting about what had happened in that ally with Oliver, and later in the church. If that wasn’t bad enough, Child Protective Services had come in wanting a lengthy report about what had happened with the deaf girl, Danielle, and her grandfather — now, if not sooner. Oh, she could use several shots of tequila right about now! Nick was at his desk too, looking miserable. Andy and Dov were still at the hospital. Every so often she would look up and he would look at her with his sad, puppy dog eyes. Good. Let him be the one who got hurt for once. Bastard. She knew she probably wouldn’t stay this angry at him forever, but for now, it felt good to have a target for her rage and sorrow. 

And then there was Holly. They had talked, and then they had made love. Made love. Eeew! She couldn’t believe she had actually just used that term, even to herself. Wow, she was starting to lose it. A tiny smile crept across her face. All day, snippets of sensation had been ambushing her in a most distracting way. The way that Holly’s breasts had felt against hers, her lips and hands on Gail’s body, and finally how Holly had looked deep into her eyes at the moment of climax and unflinchingly held her and her gaze and how she had whispered Holly’s name. She felt herself flush at the memory. She had told that shrink that she wasn’t going to be switching teams any time soon. But then she started thinking, what the fuck, I’m not a team player, I don’t even like them. Thinking about it made her head hurt more. 

Fuck it! She had to get out of here! Maybe it wasn’t too late to catch last call at the Penny. She stood up suddenly, knocking half of her unfinished paperwork to the floor. “Shit! This is all I need!” She exclaimed “And what are you looking at?” She growled at Nick, who had half risen from his seat, and looked like he might be heading her way to help. Cursing softly, she ducked under her desk to pick up the mess. As she got back up, there was Holly making her way toward her across the squad room. Gail felt her heart skip a beat as Holly smiled at her. 

“Hey.” She said in a soft voice “What are you doing here?”

“I just came to see how you were doing, and if you were hungry.” replied Holly

Gail smiled, “You know me,” she said “I’m always hungry.”

“Great.” Said Holly, trying to sound casual, “let me know when you can leave.”

“Give me just a minute,” said Gail, “Why don’t you wait at my desk, I need to get dressed.”

“And I guess this answers your dumb question.” Holly arched her eyebrows 

“You are never going to let that go, are you?” Gail sniped, shaking her head with a scowl.

Holly only laughed.

Nick watched Gail disappear into the locker room. Maybe it was just as well. He knew better than to try to approach her when she was in a mood like this. She reemerged more quickly than he expected wearing her favorite black and white sweater, jeans, and combat boots. In-spite of everything, she looked good. She noticed him watching her, and shot him the look of death. His eyes followed her as she left, walking close to her friend, heads together deep in conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> continued in chapter 4


	4. Thaw

Gail wonders if she should have ordered the extra cheese curds on her poutine. She pokes at it with her fork, studying it intently. Why does everything have to be so complicated? She looks up to see Holly watching her over the turkey sandwich she is holding in both hands. She knows she has been avoiding conversation or even looking at Holly since they sat down. She just feels so raw. She isn't sure if that is better than feeling nothing, but here she is. Everything is so wrong, and yet this thing with Holly, whatever it is, feels so right, and that alone still scares the shit out of her. Holly puts her sandwich down.

"You have the worst diet. You know that, right?" Holly teases, while stealing one of her fries.

"I don't know what you are talking about" Gail replies "I could just be eating cheese puffs."

Holly reaches across the table to touch the back of Gail's hand. Gail waits for her to say something, anything, but Holly just sits there looking at her with an even gaze that gives nothing away. Gail doesn't pull away. She discovers that she had no interest in eating, the contact of Holly's fingertips on her skin is suddenly wildly distracting. 

"Can we get out of here?" 

"Sure" says Holly motioning the waitress for the check.

After they pay and leave. Gail doesn't head back to the car. She just wants to walk for a while, to clear her head, to help her shake off the darkness, to try to restore her equilibrium. Holly walks next to her in silence, hands in the pockets of her coat their shoulders nearly touching. Gail is glad she's here, and that surprises her, in a good way. When her headache is almost gone, Gail finally allows the bitter cold to drive her back to Holly's car. They sit for a while, engine running, heat on before Gail finally says anything. 

"Can you take me home?" 

"Ok," Holly replies, beginning to head in the direction of Gail's apartment

Holly's hand is warm in hers. Comforting. It anchors her into her body, and keeps her demons at bay, for now. While at the diner, Chris had called to give her an update. Chloe was still in a medically induced coma, the clot in her neck hadn't moved, and Sam was still in ICU, clinging to life by a thread. On the up side, Oliver was going to be released in the morning and was recovering from his traumatic brain injury better than anyone had hoped. She sighs and yawns, trying to keep her eyes open. As they pull up to her apartment she realizes that no one else is at home. Why is it always so hard for her to ask for anything she needs?

"Come up?" is all she can manage, heart pounding ridiculously in her chest. In the morning, she might have some explaining to do, but she realizes, she just didn't care. She licks her lips nervously and waits.

"Alright" Holly finally says

Gail leads the way, up the stairs, through the kitchen and into the tiny back bedroom she calls home. Seeing Holly standing there by the bed makes Gail's stomach do flip-flops. She stands there for a moment unable to think, unable to move. Holly steps forward, closing the gap between them.

"Are you ok?" She asks, brown eyes full of concern

"Its just so hard..." Gail says, voice trailing off, folding her arms in front of her chest. "I hate being afraid. It makes me mean" she finally manages, each word a struggle to push out. She can't look at Holly.

Holly sits on the edge of her bed and lets her continue. 

"I mean, Oliver just walks right into danger. I thought we were going to die. But then again, there are worse things..." Gail takes a deep breath and seems to pull into herself. 

Holly doesn't dare to move or even to breathe, knowing that Gail is telling her more than she ever admitted to anyone.

"Sometimes, I wake up and I can't see anything, and I just lay there listening for his footsteps to come for me again, and then I remember I'm here…" Gail shutters and licks her lips, "And my own fucking mother finds out that I'm safe through the fucking dispatch and can't even be bothered to visit me once, not once..." she continues, bitterness creeping into her voice.

Gail has never spoken like this before, but Holly has heard the story of her abduction through the grapevine. Just the thought of someone hurting her makes Holly's blood run cold. It makes her draw a sharp breath that makes Gail stop. Finally, Gail turns to look at her.

"Please," she whispers "please touch me."

Holly reaches for her, pulling her forward by her hips, sliding her hands up Gail's back under her shirt in a way that sets Gail's body on fire. Gail steps into Holly, with no more room for thought as Holly stands up pulling Gail's shirt over her head in one swift motion. She leans into her, their lips meet, causing a low vibration in the back of Gail's throat that sounds half way between a moan and a whimper. She reaches for Gail's belt, breathing hard, as Gail kisses her harder and fumbles with the buttons on her shirt. With one more tug, Holly unzips Gail's jeans and sends them down around Gail's knees. Gail's breath is coming in short gasps as Holly twirls them both around pushing her onto the bed. Gail lays there naked, watching silently as Holly steps back to remove her own pants and bra. And then reaching up, Gail pulls her on to the bed, skin meeting skin, lips to lips. Holly is like medicine to her. With each touch, with each kiss, Gail feels like less of a ghost, more solid, more real. As they devour each other with a passion fueled by fear and sorrow, and need, Holly takes her in. She meets Gail's eyes and doesn't turn away, and Gail knows she has finally found somebody who sees her.

A cool breeze carrying with it the scent of snow through Gail's window caresses her bare shoulders as she awakens warm and safe under her down comforter, still wrapped in intoxicating soft skin and strong arms that hold her, even in sleep. Holly. This is Holly, she remembers, the hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Freezing rain mixed with wet snow beats on the roof. Gail doesn't ever want to move, to open her eyes and return to the chaos of the world. She sighs and shifts slightly. Holly cuddles in closer. Warm breath and soft lips brush Gail's neck. She opens her eyes to find Holly's face just inches from her own. In the cool, grey light of morning, Holly gazes into eyes that are the color of rain.

"Hey, good morning." Gail whispers

"Mmmmm..." Holly tilts her head and leans in slightly to kiss Gail gently, full of sweetness, firm, and soft. When Holly smiles at her with eyes full of unspoken warmth and welcome, Gail feels like she has finally come home.


	5. Snow Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think there would be more, but there is.

It had been a week of sleeping badly, a week to cry, a week to try to heal. Roll call in Parade looked just as ragged as Gail felt, officers huddled over their coffee in near silence. Oliver was at home, still experiencing blinding headaches, vertigo, and disorientation brought on from his head injury. Sam was improving slowly, still hooked up to a million tubes and machines, Andy at his side. Epstein was back, looking like a shadow of his former wimp, nerd self, which didn't say much. Chloe still hadn't woken up, parts of the clot had gone to her brain, but the doctors said it would be imposable to fully assess the damage until if, no, when she regained consciousness. After a confrontation with Chris that nearly came to blows, Wes wasn't allowing anyone from the 15 to visit her. Although she tried to hide it, this made Gail sad and angry.   
Frank arrived looking crisp and in control, as always. Stepping up to the podium he said,   
"I know this has been a rough week for all of us, but I need you to pull it together, to honor our fellow officers by being our very best out there. I would like to thank everyone who has put in the extra time, volunteered for double shifts and covered for those of us who can't be here. Sleet, freezing rain, and snow will continue through the weekend. The weather has been creating traffic problems all night, please be extra careful on the roads. This is what we do. Let's all come home!”  
Gail sighed. She missed Holly. She hadn't seen her for over four days, and it looked like there would be no time in the near future. She glanced at the board to discover she was riding with Nick today. Great. Just great.  
"Hey Gail," Nick approached, "looks like we're..."  
"Don't." She said, holding up her hand in the universal stop position, and giving him her iciest look. "Just don't." She stalked from the room.  
By the time she reached the cruiser, he was already in the driver's seat. She remembered how she used to love it when he would insist on driving. Now it simply irritated her. 

“Gail, since we will be stuck in the car together all day..” He began

“What.” Demanded Gail buckling her seatbelt and looking stonily out the windshield. “Nick…” she said in a slightly softer tone.

“Yes?” He answered hopefully

“Shut up and drive.”

The day had been a long one. Several traffic violations, one shop lifting teenage punk, rescuing a homeless drunk from drowning in an icy puddle, and one domestic disturbance, where Gail had to stop the girlfriend from removing Nick’s head with a baseball bat after they made the arrest later, they were on their way back to the station to do the paperwork when the call came in. Robbery on East and Twenty-second, shots fired, all units. 

“Shit” Gail muttered as she hit the lights. “Fifteen – oh – seven responding.”

They were on the scene in minutes. Weapons drawn, she followed Nick into the convenience store. “Police” He announced just as a kid, no more than twelve, popped up from behind the counter and shot at them. It all happened so fast. Nick grunting and going down as a bullet slammed into his vest, Gail returning fire, and chasing the kid out the backdoor into the ally, only to end up slipping on the ice, ankle deep in slush with no-one in sight. 

“Where did he go?” said Nick’s voice behind her. 

“No idea. Lost him after he came outside” she said trying not to let the relief that Nick was alive creep into her voice. 

“Come on” said Nick flushing the right side of the ally as Gail took the left. “Over here..” he said opening a service door to an abandoned theatre. 

“Fifteen – oh – seven requesting back up.” Gail radioed in.

“We’re on our way” Chris’s voice crackled over the radio

“What’s your twenty”

“Be there in two”

Gail took a deep breath. “Ok.” She nodded at Nick and pulled out her flashlight

Cautiously they entered the inky darkness of the silent hall. Nick hit the light switch, but nothing happened. They crept forward, weapons drawn, adrenalin pumping in their veins. The sharp crack of a mis-step on a loose board sounded from the stage. Gail pointed with her chin and fanned left toward the exit, as Nick rushed the stage. A small figure dashed from the curtains and headed in her direction. She saw the muzzle flash in slow motion, and heard the thud of bullets hitting the wall directly behind her head as she raised her weapon and returned fire. The small dark figure stumbled and crumpled to the ground. Nick rushed to it. Holstering his weapon he bent over the prone figure. Standing up he shook his head. 

Gail felt herself sag against the wall closing her eyes against the rush of emotions that suddenly overwhelmed her. She heard Nick cough and stagger. Looking up she saw him sitting on the ground, legs splayed, clutching his right side. Light flooded the room. Chris’s voice said “Hey, are you guys alright?”

“Nick was shot and I just killed a child. What do you think?” Gail replied caustically

“I’m uh, fine.” Nick said, getting to his feet “I just feel like I’ve been kicked by a mule.” undoing his vest to reveal an angry red and purple bruise spreading on his ribs.

“Come on” Chris said, “Let’s get you to the bus.” Leading the way outside to the waiting ambulance. Gail stumbled behind them, realizing only then that she must have twisted her ankle in the heat of the chase. Within minutes the place was swarming with cops and people from forensics. Blue and red lights filled the ally, illuminating the falling snow and making Gail’s head spin. She slumped on the bumper of the ambulance, numbly allowing the paramedics to remove her boot and examine her.

“Good shoot Peck” Luke said, pulling up the collar of his peacoat against the cold. 

“W-what?” She looked up, surfacing from the fog of pain she was experiencing that had nothing to do with her ankle.

“ I need your weapon and a statement before you accompany Nick to the hospital”

“ I shot a fucking child, Luke.” Gail said bleakly.

“Yeah, I know.” He said sitting down next to her. “I can’t tell you it will get better, because it won’t. But it was a good shoot. If you hadn’t shot him, he would have shot you.”

“Do we really have to do this now?” She almost whined “Can’t we go back to the station?”

“No, we need to do this, and then you are going to the hospital, and then you are going to take a few days off.” Luke answered

“Do I have to?”

Luke just looked at her.

“Ok. Fine.”


	6. Of all the Gin Joints in all the World...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is re-worked from a one-off called Busted. I wasn't going to do it, but it makes sense in the context of this story line. Please comment!

Standing at the bar of the Black Penny, another shot glass hits the bar making a satisfying clunk in her hand. Gail is drunk, or getting there, well into her third shot of Tequila. She is in her very best bitch-goddess, rocker-girl mood tonight, and dressed to kill in skin tight leather pants, and a form fitting silver top. It's been over a week since she's last seen Holly. Frankly, she has been avoiding her. With all that has happened, Gail just needs some time, time to slap her walls firmly back into place, time not to feel anything but as immortal as she does right now. She is still needs to be cleared by the department shrink after the shooting, oh joy. She knows the boys are all watching her, as they always do. Who knows, maybe she will pick one of them up and have herself some hot, random, hate sex with a total stranger just to blow off steam. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realizes that this may be kind of self destructive, but right now she doesn't care. That should give her something to talk about. She scans the room for a likely target. Traci and Steve are immersed in each other in a dark corner. Chris, Dov and Andy sit at a table laughing about something as Nick joins them. Traitors. She glares murderously in their direction. She continues to scan the room with hungry eyes. There is a group of hot guys she thinks are from the twenty-seven standing around the dart board. She is just about to go join them when she freezes mid-step. Holly has just entered the bar with a sickeningly attractive woman at her side. Holly looks good too. Very good. Tonight she is wearing a long brown duster over skinny jeans, and a deep burgundy shirt unbuttoned to display a good amount of cleavage. Gail can't seem to move as their eyes meet across the crowd. A wave of unfettered jealousy courses through her body. At the same time she feels herself flush, her heart beat faster, and her breath catch in her throat. Gail turns quickly back to the bar. Pointing at her empty glass, she motions the bartender for another.

"Make it a double" she commands, slapping her money down on the bar.

She tosses it back without thinking, and heads in the direction of the ladies room.

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit, Shit!" she mutters to herself "Of all the gin joints in all the world, she has to walk into mine..."

The line from the Casablanca running through her head makes her bark a soft, bitter laugh and smirk to herself, shaking her head slightly as she walks.

"I have to get the fuck out of here," she thinks locking herself in a stall where she sits holding her head in her hands for far longer than necessary. Soon, too soon, she hears the door to the bar open. Someone walks in and occupies the stall at he far end of the room. The time to make her escape has come. As she freshens up her lipstick, the other stall door opens. She watches Holly moving toward her in the mirror. She returns her lipstick to her bag, and blots her lips in a tissue, heart beating a wild percussion against her ribs.

As Holly walks purposefully up behind her, she finds she can't move, can't think, can't breathe. Holly keeps coming, stopping so close that their bodies are almost touching. She can feel the heat of Holly's body at her back, smell her shampoo and the slight acrid tinge of the morgue that no amount of soap can remove. There is a glint in Holly's eyes that she has never seen before. It makes her stomach do a little flip, and her knees become unsteady. She puts both hands down on the counter top to stabilize herself as Holly leans into her. She is painfully aware of Holly's breasts pressing up against her back and Holly's lips brushing up against her ear.

Holly says in a low, incredibly sexy voice "You are so BUSTED!"

Before she can retort, or even think, Holly grasps her right wrist in a surprisingly strong grip, and bends her arm behind her back.

"Officer Peck," Holly begins "You have been a bad, bad girl not returning my texts or calls. I will be taking you into custody. Resistance will result in severe punishment."

Gail gasps as cold metal touches her wrist. The unmistakable sound of a handcuff closing reaches her ears as its smooth, flat, surface rubs up and down her arm, giving her goose bumps.

"In a bar full of cops, don't make me cuff you here." Holly continues

Gail had been itching for some dirty, dirty sex. Sure, she has been fantasizing about Holly - in a soft, loving, gentle, girl on girl, vanilla kind of way. In-fact, memories have been flooding her senses, tormenting her, ever since the last time they were together; Holly's eyes, Holly's smile, how Holly tastes, the touch of Holly's lips, and exactly what Holly's skin feels like pressed up against her own. But this is crazy - this, THIS is beyond her wildest dreams. She knows, she has never been so turned on in her entire life.

"What is this Holly?" She finally manages to say "Prepare to be assimilated? Resistance is futile?" She snipes attempting to regain some small amount of control.

"And who's the nerd now?" asks Holly in a tone that sounds far too amused.

She lets go of Gail's wrist and slides her hands onto Gail's hips.

"Ok, spread 'em. You know the drill." Holly says, suddenly back to business, tapping Gail's instep with the toe of her shoe.

Gail complies, moving her feet slightly apart.

"No." Holly insists "More." Slapping Gail's inner thighs with the palms of her hands until Gail is standing legs splayed, breathing hard, head hanging between her arms that are still planted firmly on the counter. A combination of chills and fire threaten to engulf Gail as Holly runs her hands up the insides of Gail's thighs and around her ass. Gail involuntarily whimpers as Holly's hands find their way under her shirt and around her breasts. She draws a sharp breath and cries out softly as Holly applies pressure between Gail's legs with her pelvic bone. Gail feels her knees give way . Holly gives her breasts a gentle squeeze and backs away. She stands there for a moment hands on her hips, watching Gail struggle to stand up. As Gail turns to face her, she notices how dilated Gail's pupils have become. A crooked grin spreads on her face.

"Proud of yourself?" Gail manages

"Why yes, actually I am." Holly's grin growing bigger. "Let's get out of here before we make a public spectacle of ourselves."

Gail just nods and follows Holly out into the night. They get into Holly's car and drive the short distance to Holly's place, her hand rubbing up and down Gail's leg in a most distracting way the entire way there. Leaving the car quickly, they enter the elevator and ride up in a viscous silence that makes Gail feel like she is a lightning rod standing in the middle of a storm. Holly fumbles with her keys, almost drops them in her haste, but somehow manages to unlock and open the door to her apartment. They are barely inside when Gail grabs Holly, wrapping one hand around her waist and bunching the other in her hair, kissing her hard and slamming her up against the wall. As her world catches on fire, Holly pushes back, slamming Gail into the door jam while pulling Gail's shirt off over her head. She hears Gail moan as she expertly places her thigh between Gail's legs and applies pressure. Gail is breathing hard as she rapidly unbuttons Holly's shirt and leaves a trail of soft lip prints across Holly's clavicle bone. Holly gasps as Gail bites her hard on the neck, feeling a fresh gush of wetness between her legs. Without bothering to turn on the lights, she drags Gail toward the couch across the room while undoing the buckle of Gail's belt. She can't wait. She is far too impatient to remove Gail's boots. Instead she unzips Gail's fly, spins her around to peel leather from flesh, and bends her hard over the back of the couch, pants hitting the tops of Gail's boots. She can feel Gail tremble as she runs has fingertips up her sides, down the middle of her back and finally between her legs. Holly thinks she might just pass out as her fingers meet Gail's velvety, slick folds, and she hears Gail whimper, her breath catch, and moan softly.

"Oh my God! You are so wet!" Holly breathes, smiling and biting her lower lip.

This is a moment that Holly has been fantasizing about all week. Gail moans louder, thrusting her hips back, trying to get Holly's fingers inside her. She cries out as Holly enters her. Reaching around with her other hand, Holly pulls their bodies closer. Gail grips the back of the couch with one hand, and reaches back to grasp at Holly's hipbone with the other. Their bodies rock together. Gail is starting to moan and cry out at each thrust, tension building in her center, her hand clenching and unclenching on Holly's skin. Gail knows she is getting close. Sweat pours off her body and into her eyes. Holly is right there with her. Gail writhes, pulls away, and flips her body to face Holly, nearly tripping over her tangled feet. Even in the dark she sees Holly's eyes widen as she unzips Holly's jeans and snakes her hand down into Holly's unbelievably mouton, liquid core. Holly gasps, and breathes out "Oh my" before leaning in to bite Gail hard on the shoulder. She runs her tongue up Gail's neck as she once again reaches between Gail's legs. Gail groans loudly leaning onto the back of the couch, pulling Holly with her. Their labored breath synchronizes. Gail crashes into her orgasm with a sob as wave after wave transports her to somewhere she has never been, rising from her core and exploding out the top of her head. As Holly feels Gail's whole body contract, she spontaneously combusts into an orgasm of her own. Somewhere the annoying little scientist in her brain says "this is interesting.." and is silenced by the fire of pure animalistic pleasure as it engulfs her. They collapse together in a limp heap on the floor. Holly pulls her close. Wrapped in each other's arms Gail starts to laugh uncontrollably.

"Wow!" She finally gasps "Just wow!"

Holly reaches up to kiss her on the lips. "Yes, that was amazing. You are amazing."

When they pull apart slightly, Gail grins "But next time I think we should remove my boots first..."

"Next time. Gail said next time." is all Holly can think.

In the morning, Holly drops Gail off at the precinct. They kiss briefly as Gail gets out of the car.

"See you tonight?" Gail asks

"I would love that!" comes the reply

As Holly drives away, Steve walks up with a knowing smirk on his face.

"So Gail, " he says arching his eyebrows at her "You are so busted."

"Oh." she says, trying to keep her face as neutral as possible, "Really?"

She punches him hard on the arm, and walks away, smile growing on her lips as she thinks "You have no idea..."


	7. Inconsolable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail is like a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for such great reviews, comments PMs and tweets! And for all of your kudos! It's what keeps me writing this fic.

_I never knew what enough was_   
_Until I'd had more than my share_   
_Then I let the darkness in_   
_It was then I lost the dare_   
_It was then I lost the day_

\- Johnatha Brooke

 

* * *

 

 

It had been three days and the silence was deafening. Not a call, not a text, nothing, not even a whisper. Sure, she had been warned. Warned on the very first day they met, nonetheless. Somehow, that didn’t make it any better. She knew what she had done. She replayed the moment where it all went wrong over and over again in her head, burned into her memory like the cigarette burns on the forearm of the teenage girl she was supposed to be working on right now. Shit. She could usually burry herself in her work, but not this time. This time she had gone too far. This time, it hurt with the intensity of being slowly cut in two, or crushed to death under an unimaginable burden of stone. Her chest hurt, her stomach hurt and there was a dull humming in her head that had nothing to do with the ambient noise of the machinery at the morgue. Three days and she had not eaten for fear of throwing it back up, and barely slept. Damn it Holly! Snap out of it! She thought, angry with herself for letting it get this far. This is what you get for allowing yourself to get involved with a straight girl. That wasn’t exactly fair, and she knew it. Anger was the only thing that narrowly kept her from dissolving into another crying jag.

Just over three weeks ago she had heard a rumor from a lab tech that officers at the fifteen were under fire and an unnamed policewoman had been shot and maybe even killed. All she could think about then was Gail. She had dropped the coffee she was holding, dropped everything at work, dropped the facade that she and Gail were simply casual friends, grabbed her coat and the nearest case folder and run as fast as she could to find Gail, weak excuse in hand. From there, their relationship had exploded into life. Until three days ago, when it had come to a screeching halt. Three days ago she had picked Gail up and gone out to the Penny for a few drinks after work. Things seemed to be going ok, until Gail got into a drunken screaming match with Nick about who had abandoned who, with a tearful Andy caught literally in the middle. Gail had stormed from the bar with Holly in hot pursuit. Holly had found her sobbing into the brick wall of the alley behind. She had taken Gail in her arms, stroking her hair and letting her cry, as Gail clung to her like a life raft.

“I donno what I would do without you.” Gail blubbered

And that’s when it happened. Holly had lifted her chin, kissed her softly, looked deep into her eyes and said, “I love you.”

She hadn’t really meant to go there yet, but it had slipped out, and there it was. She had felt Gail stiffen with a sharp intake of breath. In that moment, if eyes were the windows of the soul, she had watched Gail’s slam firmly shut. Gail had removed herself from Holly’s embrace with a steely glare, brushed herself off and said,  
“Thanks Holly, it’s been fun, but I gotta go. “

She had fled, leaving Holly standing there without a single glance back. Of course, Holly had tried to text her in the morning, keeping it light, but nothing. She had called her after work, but it went straight to voice mail and had not been returned. And now it was Holly’s turn to cry.

The little chime rang out from her computer letting her know the tox-screen results were in, waking her from her stupor. Damn. She hated it when young people died. This girl was a Jane Doe between the ages of twelve and fourteen, Caucasian, brown hair, five foot three, blue eyes. Surely someone must be looking for her. But there were no hits in the missing persons database either. Holy cow! There was enough Oxy in this girl to kill a horse! And that made her sad too.

As if summoned by her thoughts, there was a knock on her door jam. She felt her heart skip a hopeful beat. She turned to find Chris leaning against her doorway with an annoyed expression on his face as a flicker of disappointment crossed hers.

“So,” she said, putting on her best game face “The tox-screen results are in, but we have yet to make an ID.”

“What is up with you and Gail?” he said, pushing himself off the doorframe and walking towards her.

“What?” She replied in a sharper tone than she meant to do.

“You know. You. Gail. Did you guys have a fight or something?”

He was standing directly in front of her, hands on his hips.

“What? No! I mean not really… no!” she stuttered looking down at her hands. “Why? What’s happened?” she looked up at him.

“I donno..” Chris began, “When she got back to the Penny, she practically drank the bar. Dov and I had to carry her out to my truck. Thank God Dov went through EMT training. She was so sick he had to bag her. I’ve never seen her be such a mess.”

Holly winced.

“Come on Holly, tell me what happened.” He insisted.

She sighed, “I can’t. No, really, you are going to have to ask her.”

“I did.” He replied

“And?” Holly looked intently at him.

“Well she wasn’t exactly coherent, ya know…” he replied, “She kept mumbling something about how she thinks you killed her cat.”

“Oh.” Holly said quietly, looking at the floor, trying not to start crying again.

“I take it, that means something to you.” He said  
“Yeah, yeah, I think it does.” She sighed heavily.

“You gotta do something Holly.” He was pleading with her now.

“I can’t, she doesn’t want to talk with me.” She said, still looking at the floor.

“Sure she does.” He said, “She’s just stubborn. I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”

She heard him start to walk away.

“No! Wait!” she called after him.

“See you then.” He shot over his shoulder as he left the room.


	8. My bleeding heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLease comment!

The room was dark, but not dark enough Gail noticed as she pulled herself into a tighter ball on her bed. Even her hair hurt. Someone had opened her window a crack, letting in cold, fresh air that made breathing a possibility. Thank God the room had finally stopped spinning, though she was still afraid to move and upset the delicate balance that held the lack of contents in her stomach in check. How did she get here and how long had it been? She wasn’t sure, but she knew that she would be owing the boys big time in the future. 

The door to her room opened, someone quietly came inside and closed it again. 

“Go ‘way.” She muttered

The edge of her bed dipped slightly under someone’s weight. Her head throbbed, and her stomach churned. 

“Uuggg…” She moaned “Go ’way.”

Cool soft hands gently touched her face and applied a cool damp cloth to her forehead. It felt so good! She took it and rubbed it over her eyes, nose and mouth, breathing in the comforting damp air, and feeling somewhat refreshed, if that were possible. She rolled onto her other side to face this intruder. 

“Hey.” Holly said softly “How are you feeling?” leaning over to kiss Gail lightly on the head. 

Gail sighed. “What are you doing here, Holly?” sounding slightly annoyed.

“I think we both know the answer to that question” Holly said evenly.

“Who let you in here?” Gail demanded as loudly as she could, in barely a whisper.

Holly just laughed.

“ I am going to fucking kill Chris!” Gail continued, “And Dov!”

“I don’t think you are in any shape to kill anyone right now.” Holly said, sounding far too amused for Gail’s liking.

“Go ‘way, I don wanna talk to you.” Gail whined, giving Holly a little shove.

“Oh yeah, and how are you going to make me leave?” Holly responded “You and what army?”

Gail shoved her weakly again and whimpered. Her head throbbed. Her stomach threatened to revolt, again. Holly waited, pushing down her anger, knowing that if this turned into a fight she might lose Gail forever. So, instead, she reached out tenderly and stroked Gail’s hair.

“Gail,” she said firmly, “you know we have to talk.”

Gail sighed deeply and threw an arm over her eyes. “Ok, fine. What is there to talk about?” she finally replied in a resigned voice.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Holly asked, trying to keep the annoyance from creeping into her voice.

“What do you mean, what happened?” Gail replied

“You freaked out on me.” Holly stated simply.

“You were the one who had to complicate everything by saying you loved me!” Gail pouted

Holly took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This wasn’t going to get any easier. She was going to hate herself, but she knew what she was going to do.

“Gail, “ she said sliding into bed next to Gail, “Come here!” pulling Gail to her with one efficient curl of her arm. They lay there for a moment, face to face, just holding each other, when Holly finally spoke in a gentle whisper.

“Yes Gail, I love you. And I’m not sorry I said it, although I perhaps should have waited for a moment like this when we were alone someplace safe.” She kissed Gail and realized she was crying from the hot silent tears running down Gail’s face onto her lips. Holly stroked her hair and pulled her closer. “I love you, and I am not going to stop loving you. I am not going to run away just because you think you can’t handle it. But now I need you to do something for me.”  
“Ok.” Gail said in a tiny voice.

“I need you to talk to me. I need you to tell me what’s really going on inside your head. Think about this carefully, because if you tell me that you don’t love me, or that you don’t want me in your life, no matter how much it hurts, I will get up out of your bed, walk out that door and get on with my life without you. I can’t tell you it won’t break my heart, because it will, but I will do it just the same.” Holly said in a slightly shaky voice that nearly stopped Gail’s heart.

Gail’s knees came up between them as she started to curl back into a ball. Holly held her breath and waited. 

“I’m not ready.” Gail whimpered into her neck “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Well , you already did.” Thought Holly, she was determined not to start crying, again.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Gail said again, pulling away from Holly and turning to face the wall.

“Oh God, here it comes…” Holly thought closing her eyes against the inevitable.

Gail muffled a sob into her pillow, and said thickly “I love you so much! And I don’t know what to do. I always end up hurting everyone, and then they just disappear. And it scares the shit outta me, Holly.”

Holly was crying too. She grabbed Gail in a fierce, protective embrace, holding her tightly as she murmured into her ear, “I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Gail clutched their hands to her chest as their fingers entwined. It took a long time for Gail’s sobs to subside, longer for her to feel remotely calm enough to speak. Finally, she rolled over to face Holly again. The room swam.

“Oh God! Oh No!” she moaned vaulting over Holly and making a dash for the bathroom. Holly waited, and worried when Gail did not return. She was just about to go after her when the door opened and Gail stumbled back in. Gail’s body was shivering uncontrollably as she slid into bed next to Holly. Holly pulled her to her, and felt the shivers stop as Gail slowly relaxed into her body.

“Holly?” Gail said in a tiny voice “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

Holly laughed softly and shook her head, “Yes, yes you are…”

“But you love me anyway?”

“But I love you anyway,” Holly sighed “Why are you so darned cute?” she smiled into Gail’s hair.

“That’s good.” Gail said “Cuz I brushed my teeth just for you.” She tilted her head up to kiss Holly on the lips.

As they pulled apart Holly rested her forehead against Gail’s and breathed “What am I going to do with you?”

“I donno, but I’m sure you’ll think of something.” Gail smiled, and snuggled deeper into Holly’s embrace

“I’m sure I will.” Holly replied in a less than innocent tone. “But not right now, later.”  
She sighed, and she closed her eyes and slept for the first time in days.


	9. No More Emergency Situations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting better.
> 
> Please review!

Waiting at the bar at the Black Penny, Gail’s heart skipped a beat as she read the text on her phone.

“What are you doing? XOXO H”

“Celebrating at the Penny. Meet me?” she replied quickly.

“Hey Gail! What are you smiling about? You’re buying!” Chris yelled from across the bar.

“Shut up!” She laughed, taking aim with the lime from her drink and hitting him squarely between the eyes.

“Hey!” He protested.

“Nice shot Peck!” Traci high fived her, as she made her way up to the bar.

“Thanks!” Gail grinned, as Traci helped her to collect a second tray, brimming with shot glasses, in addition to the tray she was carrying, packed with what everyone was already drinking. Truth be told, Gail had been nursing a diet cola with lime, until now. After nearly drinking herself to death on the night Holly had decided to use the L-word, Gail had decided to cut back for a while. That had been last week, this was now. Tonight she was going to cut loose and celebrate along with everyone else. She was in such a good mood, she had even refrained from “accidently” tipping Andy’s frozen Margarita into Nick’s lap when the opportunity had presented it’s self.

Chloe was awake! After almost a month and a half of holding its collective breath, the mood at precinct fifteen was almost festive. Noelle had come bursting in with the news, just as Frank was finishing roll call this morning. The smile on his face could not have been bigger as he sent Dov running off to the hospital with a promise to make Chris drive. Although her condition was still considered to be critical, the doctors had said her prognosis for a full recovery looked good. She had asked for Dov the instant she could speak, and Wes had had no choice but to let him in.

They were standing, tequila in hand, to toast Chloe’s health as Holly entered the bar.  
Her smile was like a beacon upon spotting Gail across the room, capturing Gail’s attention. Gail felt the color rise in her cheeks, her ears become uncomfortably warm and her heart pound in he chest. “Damn,” she thought, “that crazy smile could move mountains, and I would move heaven and earth just to have it directed at me. “ She caught herself smiling too, and quickly kicked back the tequila letting it burn all the way down, hoping no one would notice her body’s mutinous reaction. Too late. Traci elbowed her arm, dark eyes sparkling, 

“I love it that she gets to you every time.” She teased, as they watched Holly make her way to them across the packed room.

“Shut up!” Gail kicked her, blushing a darker shade of crimson.

“Hey! Look who’s here!” Chris greeted Holly, handing her a shot glass. “Ok, “ he continued, “One more time!”

They all reached in and raised another.

“To us!” He said lifting his glass high “because today is a good day, and we will all come home!”

“All for one!” Dov cried, suddenly appearing in their midst with a raised glass of his own. They all thrust their glasses into the center of the circle, clinked and drank. 

“Well?” Andy inquired, “How is she?”

“It’s too soon to tell.” Dov answered, “But I think she’s going to be ok!”

“That’s great!” Gail exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically, “we were all afraid if she didn’t wake up and kiss you soon, you might turn back into a frog.”

“Thanks Gail, glad to see you’re back too…” Dov replied, arching his eyebrows and grinning at her.

Feeling the light touch of Holly’s hand on her arm, she turned.

“Want to get outta here?”

“Sure, if that’s what you want.” Holly smiled that fucking ridiculous smile that made her light up inside.

“It’s been a long week, “ she began, “and besides, I want to leave before Oliver starts singing, I’ve got the moves like Jagger.”

“Oh nooo!” Holly said, eyes growing wide in mock horror.

“Yup!” Gail replied, turning on her heel and glided toward the door. “G’night guys! See ya’!” she called over her shoulder.

Gail’s good mood had continued all the way back to Holly’s place, where one thing had lead to another. Now she was lying on Holly’s bed with the lights still on, watching Holly sleep. Outside of sex, Gail had never liked to be touched, and certainly not cuddled. No, that’s not right. She had rarely allowed anyone else to touch her, to breach the gap, to invade her physical space. When she did, she was the one who always initiated it, until now. She had wanted it with Nick, but on her terms, and he had never understood. With Holly, things were different. With Holly, she yearned to be touched, she longed to be held. Just the casual touch of Holly’s fingers on her arm made her smile. On nights like this, when it all became too much, they would lye, facing each other, slightly apart, lower legs entwined, Holly’s hand resting on her thigh, her fingertips touching Holly’s arm. It should have alarmed her, how addictive this was becoming. But Holly’s skin was like her talisman, keeping her monsters under the bed, and cold basements and car trunks out of her dreams.

Holly rolled onto her back and stretched sleepily. Gail smiled. 

“Hey beautiful,” Holly muttered “How long have I been out?”

“Not too long.” Gail scooted closer, finally tucking her legs under Holly’s knees, and wrapping an arm around her torso. Leaning on the elbow of her free arm to gaze into Holly’s eyes she said, “Holly? Can I tell you something?”

“I’m sure you can.” Holly replied in a slightly amused tone, reaching up to brush Gail’s hair from her eyes.

“No, I’m serious.” Gail pouted 

Holly smiled, “Ok. I’m listening.” Holly reached for and held her hand.

“I just wanted to say thank you.” Gail started

“For what?” Holly asked leaning in for a brief kiss.

“For caring enough to make me feel like I matter.” She licked her lips and looked away.

“You do matter.” Holly said softly.

“No one’s ever done that before.” She replied quietly

Looking up at the wall, she continued “And thank you for not letting me push you away.”

Holly was silent.

Gail took a deep breath as if trying to brace herself, looked back into Holly’s eyes, and whispered, “I love you Holly. And I wanted to tell you, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Holly whispered holding her gaze, and reaching up to cup Gail’s cheek in her hand.

“Please don’t leave me.” Her eyes were round, her voice almost inaudible.

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere.” Holly stated firmly, and kissed her in a way that made her forget fear, forget shame, forget why she had ever doubted or run.

“I love you.” Holly said again “And you are not getting rid of me that easily!” She smiled, and Gail knew things would never be the same.


	10. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING - this chapter contains descriptions of violence some readers may find traumatic.
> 
> Please review!

Her bedroom was pitch black when the noise woke her, something between a whimper and the cry of a wounded animal. She reached for the light switch, nothing. Shit. The ice storm of that evening had taken its toll, the power was out again. The awful keening repeated from the other side of the bed. She reached for the electric lantern on the floor. Clicking it on, she found Gail, fully dressed in her uniform, lying ridged on the other side of the bed, her hands clenched into white knuckled fists at her sides. Although Holly hadn’t been expecting her, they had been sharing a bed so often lately that Holly hadn’t even stirred when Gail arrived. She had given Gail a key and an open invitation, but never expected the first time she used it would be like this. This was alarming! Gail whimpered, screamed a wordless howl, and shouted “NO!” her eyes open, and blankly staring into space. 

Holly touched her arm gently and spoke in a soothing voice, “Gail, Honey, wake up, you’re safe…”

“Don’t touch me you freak!” Gail cried out, “No! No, no, no, no, no!” She chanted as she scooted backwards as fast as she could, and ended up falling off the bed.

“Oh my God! Gail! Are you ok?” Holly panicked, jumped off the bed, and rushed around the other side. Gail was wedged in the corner between the bureau and the wall, hands gripping the air in front of her like a gun.

“Don’t come any closer or I’ll shoot!” Gail yelled, looking past Holly with a vacant stare.

Holly crouched down, placing her hands on Gail’s cheeks.

“Gail, it’s me. Wake up!” She pleaded

“I warned you!” Gail snarled “I don’t want to have to kill you. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!” She was crying now. 

“Come on Gail!” Holly prayed shaking her by the shoulders

“I don’t want…” Gail’s eyes focused “Oh my God! Holly!” She gasped launching herself into Holly’s arms, burying her face into Holly’s neck with a sob.

“It’s ok Baby, it’s ok.. you’re here now, you’re safe..” Holly comforted. Gail sobbed uncontrollably as Holly pulled her onto her lap and held her tighter. She waited. Gail’s sobs turned to whimpers, her whimpers into sighs as her body began to relax into Holly’s embrace.

“What happened?” Holly whispered, pulling back slightly to look at Gail.

“He was here! He was here!” Gail rambled in a panicky tone, “And I was strapped to his table, like the ones you have at the lab, and I felt him put the needle in my arm, and the I couldn’t move. All of my other senses were heightened, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even make a sound.”

Holly pulled her protectively closer.

“And then he was on top of me, pulling up my skirt, unzipping his nasty wool pants, calling me dirty names, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even whisper.”

Holly froze with horror as she listened, her heart beating in her mouth.

“It hurt so much when he pushed himself inside of me, “ Gail continued “And then he wrapped his hands around my throat, and I was sure he was going to kill me as he raped me. But then he heard a noise upstairs, and he just got off me and left. And that’s when he killed Jerry.” Gail’s face was dry eyed and bleak.

Holly looked at her with worried, searching eyes, a murderous, protective rage coursing through her veins.

“Have you talked to anybody about this? I don’t remember reading about him raping you in the report.”

“Just you.” Gail said in a quiet, trusting voice. “Wait… wait… You read the report?” she demanded.

“Yes.” Holly admitted, “I did Jerry’s autopsy, because I was new and I didn’t know him.” 

“Oh.” Gail looked disturbed.

“You didn’t know that?” Holly asked

“No.”

The lights flickered on. Gail looked small and pale in her rumpled uniform. 

“So, “ Holly tried again “You never reported that he raped you?”

“Holly, I’m a police officer, I have to work with these people every day,” Gail stated, “Do you know how that would effect my ability to do my job? It’s not like he isn’t in jail for the rest of his life without that.”

Holly sighed and sagged. “Come on,” she said “Let’s go back to bed.”

“Ok.” Gail looked spent. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“For what?” Holly asked, leading Gail to sit on the edge of the bed, where she let Holly undress her like a child.

“I’m sorry I put you through this.” Gail sighed, “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. ”

“Don’t be. It’s ok.” Holly replied firmly.

As they climbed under the covers, Holly held Gail tightly, wanting to be able to protect her forever.

Gail finally spoke in a hushed voice, “Thank you. I started having nightmares again about a week ago; but this one was so real!” 

“That’s when you shot that kid, isn’t it?” Holly asked

“Yeah, yeah it was.” Gail admitted, emotionally spent, the heaviness of sleep began to descend. She yawned.

The door bell rang.

“What the…” Holly exclaimed, as she and Gail sat up with a jolt.

Minutes later there was a pounding on the door. 

“Police! Open the door or we’re coming in!” a male voice called, followed by more pounding.

“Just a minute.” Holly replied, pulling on her robe.

“Shit.” Gail muttered, and hid under the blankets.

Holly opened the door to find a fresh-faced Rookie she had never seen before. He was leaning on her door jam with his hand on his gun.

“We have received a complaint of a loud domestic disturbance at this address.” He took a step forward. “Due to the nature of this complaint I am going to have to check out your premesis, please step aside. He continued forward with his cop swagger.

“I can’t let you do that. I’m fine.” Holly blocked his path. 

“I need to search your apartment.” He said roughly pushing past her, “Or I could just arrest you now.” He radioed in “Fifteen oh four requesting back-up.”

“You are making a huge mistake.” Holly warned as Gail appeared in the bedroom doorway wearing yoga pants, her uniform shirt, and an icy glare.

“I don’t know who you are,” she snarled, “But if you ever threaten her again, I will make sure that you are writing parking tickets for the rest of your life.”

Just as he was about to reply, Nick appeared in the doorway. “What’s going on…” He froze mid-sentence.

“Great. Just great.” Gail sighed “Hi Nick!” she said with a dangerous smile. 

“Gail?” Nick stuttered. “W-what are you doing here?” 

His eyes growing wider as he looked from Gail to Holly, and back to Gail. She just arched her eyebrows at him.

“Sorry about the noise.” Holly interjected.

“I had a nightmare, ok?” Gail said, voice dripping with hostility

“What?...You guys… You two… you.. what… Gail are you ok?” Nick stammered

“ I have an early shift tomorrow, so can we please get back to bed?” Gale glared at him.

“Um, sure… uh sorry, “ Nick said sheepishly, backing out the door. “Come on Thompson, let’s go.”

“Don’t forget to close the door on your way out.” Gail continued frostily.

The minute they were gone Holly heard Gail start to laugh. She turned to find Gail clutching her ribs, leaning heavily against the bedroom door jam, doubled over with laughter. 

“Oh my God! “ Gail gasped, “I guess Nick had to find out about us sometime.“


	11. Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smutt warning!
> 
> please comment!

Holly loved the look in Gail’s blue, blue eyes, as she lay there naked in the sunshine on the large four-poster bed in the master bedroom of the Peck family lake house. She was lying on her stomach, legs crossed in the air, hands resting gently on Holly’s naked thigh, gazing with open, trusting eyes, with that look; halfway between lust and adoration.

Gail had four days off, and she had asked Holly if she would like to run away from it all for a while. Given that Holly had wracked up more time off than she ever used, and her boss was needling her to use it or lose it, the answer had been yes. Actually, the answer had always been yes. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?’ Holly inquired nervously, trying to hide her building excitement.

“Fuck yeah! Are you kidding me? I have always wanted to try out one of those things, though I always thought I would be the one wearing it.” Gail replied with a grin, just short of wild.

Holly’s heart skipped a beat. She smiled and bit her lower lip in anticipation. With slightly shaking hands, she pulled the strap-on harness and double-ended vibrating dildo out of her overnight bag. 

“Ok Gail, but you need to tell me if anything starts to freak you out.” She ventured

“Don’t worry, “ Gail said reaching out to touch Holly’s cheek, her eyes suddenly serious, “I know you’re not him.” The wild grin reappearing now “And besides, this is smokin’ hot!”

Holly felt a jolt of electricity go straight to her pelvis as Gail reached up and took the toy from her hand. Holding it like a pistol she began to sing,   
“When I hold you in my arms, oo – oo – oh yeah! And when I feel my finger on your trigger..”

Holly giggled, “Ok, ok, cut it out!” as Gail kept singing and poked her in the stomach with the business end. She loved seeing Gail this relaxed and happy. 

“So, “ Gail said, sitting up, “How does this thing work, and what would make it the most fun?” looking at Holly with a glint in her eye and leaning in for a kiss that lingered, and deepened. 

“Well,” said Holly, slightly breathless now, her hands still resting at the base of Gail’s neck. “First we insert this end into me,” she gave it a little tweak, “And then, we put this on to this end, “ She dangled the harness between her fingers. “And then, “ she said looking deep into Gail’s eyes “ we secure the straps.”

“And then you fuck me?” Gail smirked, leaning in to kiss Holly hard.  
“Um, yeah, that’s kinda the point.” Holly said, pulling away with a grin, trying to take the toy from Gail’s hand.

“Oh no!” Gail replied, pulling it from Holly’s grip. “ If you get to fuck me, I get to do this part!”

She grabbed Holly around the waist and pulled her up into an embrace, kissing her with intent. They knelt there embracing and kissing for a long time, until Gail began to slide her free hand down Holly’s torso and between her legs. Holly felt herself gasp as Gail’s fingers found her slick, velvet folds. She was pretty sure she heard Gail moan softly too. She held on to Gail’s shoulders for support as she kissed her harder, their bodies swaying to the rhythm of Gail’s hand. 

“I donno Holly, “ Gail whispered breathlessly into Holly’s ear, “Are you ready? Cuz I think you’re ready.”

“Um, huh.” Holly breathed out into Gail’s neck, unable to form words. Spreading her legs wider, Holly helped guide Gail’s hand as she slowly pushed the upright shaft inside of her. She leaned heavily on Gail, and bit her shoulder as Gail slowly pulled it out and pushed it back in several times before giving it one final deeper push into place.

Holly was trembling and panting now, as she handed Gail the harness and sat back on her calves. They pushed it slowly and carefully on together, securing the straps around Holly’s waist and thighs. 

“Stay right there,” Gail said as she reached for the lube and greased the purple cock that jutted from Holly’s hips. Holly reached for Gail’s waist, looking into her eyes, as Gail straddled her, lowering herself carefully onto the waiting toy with a sigh. And then, without breaking eye contact, Holly started to move. 

Nearing the end, after the frenzy of hips, and hands and lips, Holly had carefully lowered her onto her back and turned on the vibrator, thrusting deeper into Gail at a desperate pace. Holly could tell that Gail was right there on the edge with her. Suddenly, Gail grabbed her hips, pulled them closer holding her still. Giving Holly a deep, searching look with eyes blown wide open Gail whispered, “I love you Holly.” Arched her back, and strained against her, still looking deep into her eyes, sending them both into freefall. The image of the world shattered, like a stone dropped into clear water sending ripple after ripple of ecstasy through them both.

The golden light of late afternoon streamed through the windows, making their skin glow warm, still wrapped in their private bubble of bliss. Gail opened her eyes and sleepily kissed Holly’s sternum before wresting her chin there on folded hands. Holly’s eyelids fluttered and opened. She smiled.

“Hey there sleepyhead.” Gail murmured

“Hey.” Holly kissed her on the forehead. “We should get up you know. Put on clothes. Eat food. Go for a walk. Something.”

“Nooo,” Gail whined, “I don’t wanna”

“Come on.” Holly sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. 

“Nooo!” Gail moaned burying her face in the pillow that smelled like Holly. 

“I’m going to make coffee.” Holly teased with a smile, and got out of bed.

Gail groaned and sat up. “Ok, you win.”

Pulling on an old hoodie and shorts, she followed Holly into the kitchen. 

They were just settling into a comfortable silence at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around steaming mugs, when they heard the car approaching. 

“Oh no.” Gail sighed and feared the worst. This, she knew, could only mean one thing. “Crap!” She buried her face in her hands and braced herself. 

The front door opened. “Gail?” Steve’s voice called

“In the kitchen.” She called back

Soon, he appeared in the doorway, wool sox making no noise on the hardwood floors. 

“Would you like some coffee?” Holly offered

“No, I can’t stay. Traci won’t get out of the car. “ He grinned

“Why are you here?” Gail asked brusquely

“Mother is on the warpath. I just thought you should know.” He shrugged

“What is it this time? Is it that I blew off yet another stupid date with one of her friends sons?”

“Gail, she knows.” He replied

“Knows what?” She said her heart stopping in her chest, the room growing suddenly cold. 

“She knows about you and Holly.” He said quietly.  
They sat in chilly silence for a moment, Gail staring at him in icy disbelief. 

“She would probably be here herself if..”

“If it weren’t for some stupid law enforcement conference or something. “ Gail interrupted “So, what. Are you here to do her dirty work, again?” she sniped

“No,” Steve replied carefully “Your phone was off, so I came here to warn you.”

“And just how did she happen to find out about Holly?” Her eyes were like lasers “Not that I’m ashamed of her or anything, I’m just not ready to deal with Elaine yet.”

“Nick.” He shrugged “He was on the desk when she called the station looking for you.”

“Traitor.” Gail growled “And Dad?” she asked

“I don’t know” He shrugged

“Four days.” Gail said bitterly, “Just four days of peace, is that too much to ask…”

“Traci said we shouldn’t have come, that you needed some time to get away,” Steve shrugged again “But I wanted to warn you, just incase..”

Gail looked at him sharply “She wouldn’t.”

“I doubt it, but you never know.” He replied

“Hey listen, “ Holly said, stepping up to wrap a protective arm around Gail’s waist, “We were just about to get dressed and go get something to eat at the diner. Why don’t you and Traci join us.” She felt Gail stiffen.

“Um, sure, ok.” Steve stammered

“Great!” Holly continued “Why don’t you go ahead and we will meet you there.”

“Yeah, ok.” Steve replied, turning to go. “See you there.”

Gail turned to Holly as Steve closed the door on his way out, “What did you do that for?” she asked

“Ancient Jedi mind trick.” Holly replied with a grin

“Ok Nerd, explain.” 

“It’s called etiquette. If we spend a few pleasant hours out with your brother, then they go home happy, and we get the rest of the time here to ourselves” Holly smiled

“Ok.” Gail said, clearly not convinced.

“And then, if you’re good, maybe, just maybe I will let you play with my toys when we get back.” Holly winked, slapped Gail on the butt, and sashayed off into the bathroom to get dressed.


	12. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later at the diner, Gail and Holly meet up with Steve And Traci.
> 
> Please Comment!

The looks on their faces were priceless she had to admit. Worth all of the embarrassment the story of the other night, which Holly just recounted, was causing her.

“He WHAT?” Traci said, sitting up a little bit straighter, hands still clasped around her coffee.

“Yup, just barged right in.” Holly said with a smirk and a shake of her head. I tried to warn him, but…”

“And Collins wasn’t right there with him?” Steve interrupted, eyes narrowing dangerously.

Gail was beginning to like this turn of events.

“Uh, no. He came up a few minutes later.” Holly replied “And you should have seen the look on his face.” She smirked

“I’ll bet.” Traci grinned

“Really.” Steve mused, eyebrows raised, ferial grin spreading on his face.

“Really, it’s ok Steve, I can handle this.” Gail said, pretending to be concerned.

“I know you can little sister,” Steve smirked “But what fun would that be?”

“Steve!” Traci kicked him sideways under the table.

“What?” He replied with wide-eyed mock innocents.

Holly laughed. “Are they always like this?”

“Welcome to the Peck and Peck show.” Traci sighed and smiled into her coffee.

“You know, “ Steve said, trying hard to keep a straight face, and failing, “Don’t we have a huge backlog of old case files and ancient evidence boxes that need to be entered into the computer? You know, domestic disturbances, traffic violations, noise complaints, dating back into the early nineties…”

“You know,” Traci smiled, “ We could use some help with the backlog of old expense reports too. Thompson, right?”

Gail laughed. “I love you guys!” Maybe going out with them wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“Good!” Steve replied “Cuz you will be buying us drinks for the next month.”  
“Oh really,” Holly laughed

“Yup.” Steve winked at her

Gail’s phone rang. Steve raised his eyebrows at her as she answered it with a sigh.

“Hello Mother, “ She groaned audibly and rolled her eyes. “Yes. Yes I am at the lake house with Holly. She rolled her eyes again and sucked in a deep breath.

“No. No, you are not coming up here. We can talk when I get back.

There was a pregnant pause; all eyes were on her now.

“No mother, this is not a phase as you would like to call it.” Pause. “No. No. Frankly I don’t care.” Pause. “No, I am not going to call my therapist to schedule an emergency family meeting. Just because You are having a problem does not make this an emergency.” Pause “No mother, I do not need to drop everything to help you deal with this. As far as I know, you have always been able to spin whatever situation to your public advantage by yourself.” She said bitterly.

She could feel Steve staring at her. 

“Look, “ she gritted her teeth, “I’m not having this conversation right now. I will be back Sunday night, and I will speak with you on Monday.”

She glared out the diner window at the lake below the highway.

“You want what?” She said incredulously, “Ok, ok, I will ask her. Yes mother. Uh huh. No. Goodbye. No. Goodbye Mother.” And with that she hung up, cutting Elaine off mid-sentence. She might pay for this later, but right now she was too angry to care.

“She wants to know if I can bring Holly to family dinner on Thursday night.” She looked at Steve, panic starting to set in.

“And you want me and Traci to come along as a buffer, don’t you.” Steve replied.

“Um, well, since you put it that way…” She practically begged.

“Oh little sister, I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” He smirked “Hey Traci, looks like we are going to be drinking for free for quite some time.” He teased, grin growing wider until he noticed Holly’s expression.

She was sitting in a very un-Holly-like way, shoulders hunched, staring at her hands and the half eaten piece of cherry pie in front of her on the table, looking like she was trying hard not to cry.

Traci moved first, eyes full of compassion. Taking Holly’s hands in hers she said, “Oh honey, it will be ok.” She soothed in a motherly voice. “Elaine’s bark is far worse than her bite!”

“It’s not Elaine I’m worried about” Holly shrugged.

Gail was about to say something when her phone rang again.

“What.” She answered in a clearly annoyed tone. “What do you want now.”

Gail knew she was pulling face as she held the phone away from her ear and glared at it murderously. She waited until there was silence on the other end before responding.

“You know mother,” She replied in an acid tone, “You wouldn’t give two cents about my personal life if you didn’t think it would effect your twisted career ambitions.”  
She sighed and continued, “Yeah, I do mean it. No. No. Don’t give me that suddenly concerned for my well being crap either.” She sighed again, and mindlessly picked up a spoon, trying hard not to simply bend it in half. “That’s your problem, not mine.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes again, “Actually mother, if you really must know, “ She took a deep breath to steel herself, and placed the spoon with exaggerated care back on the table, “I am wildly, madly, deeply in love, possibly for the first time in my life.” She reached over to place her hand on top of Traci’s that was still holding on to Holly, and gave a little squeeze, “And no, I don’t care how you feel about it. So, no, we are not coming to dinner on Thursday, or any other night, until you calm the fuck down and I am sure you will treat Holly nicely.”

There was a moment of stunned silence on the phone before it erupted again. 

“I don’t care if you like my language either. And what about Nick? No. No. You leave him out of this. This has nothing to do with him or my being abducted last year. Like you care.” There was silence on the other end of the phone. The rush of adrenaline was starting to wear off, leaving her feeling empty and tired. “Listen, I am turning my phone off now. If you want to have a reasonable discussion with me, we can talk after I get back. Goodbye Mother.” She said firmly hanging up and shutting off her phone.

Steve was looking stunned, but Traci was grinning ear to ear. She had finally done it! She had stood up to her mother for once in her life and rendered Elaine Peck speechless. 

“Wow!” Steve said, eyes wide with shock and not just a little bit of admiration.

“Good for you!” Traci beamed at her, piling another hand on top of Gail’s.

Holly was silent. Gail looked over to find her staring at the table, eyes brimming with unspilled tears.

“Hey.” She said quietly, removing her hands from the pile.

“Hey, “ She said again reaching up to cup Holly’s chin in the crook of her forefinger and gently turn Holly’s face toward hers. “Why are you crying?”

A storm of emotion clouded Holly’s brown eyes when she finally did look up.

“I heard what you said.” She replied softly

“Uh huh.” Gail replied, caressing Holly’s cheek with her thumb.

“I mean about me, about us.” Holly stammered, barely holding it together. 

“That’s right.” Gail said looking into those beautiful, troubled dark eyes. “I meant every word”

“You would be willing to do that for me…” Holly whispered

“That’s right.” Gail said with a tiny smile.

She leaned over to kiss Holly tenderly, not caring that they were sitting across from her brother and Traci; not caring that they were in the diner where she spent her childhood and everyone knew the Peck family. All that mattered in that moment was Holly. Breaking the kiss she looked up to find Traci forcibly dragging Steve from the booth. He was looking rather smug too.

“We got to get going.” Traci smiled as she made their parting excuse, “I didn’t realize how late it was getting to be… Right? Steve!” She pulled on him by the elbow of his sweater.

“Um, yeah…right..” he stammered, and then giving Gail’s shoulder a squeeze on his way out he added, “Don’t worry about Mom, I got this.”

“See you on Monday!” Traci called over her shoulder.

“Thanks!” Gail replied, and then looking back at Holly with eyes full of love and longing she whispered “Let’s go home.”


	13. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not the chapter that I originally meant to write, but here it is. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Please Comment!

What the hell was Gail up to? And just who did she think she was fooling? How could she do this to him? How! Nick wondered as he watched Gail chewing on the cap of her pen across the room. Her eyebrows were creased in concentration as she filled out the last report of today’s log. She was no Lesbian! This he knew, just as certainly as he knew his own name. This, he decided was, at least in part, just another tactic in their decade long war. Payback for Andy? Maybe.

He had met her in the summer of his nineteenth year. She had been a waitress at the diner with a bad reputation for being as wild as she was beautiful. In-fact it was rumored that the only thing keeping her out of jail was her parents’ prestigious positions with in the Toronto Police force. He was smitten and could not be deterred, even after she had dumped an entire pitcher of ice water into his lap just for asking her out. Soon they had become inseparable, drinking, and fighting, and fucking their way through the next three years. There had been good times, like the time he had taken her ice fishing out on the lake, and she had driven his snowmobile out onto the ice as fast as it would go, laughing with glee. It had been so cold, she had broken into her family’s summer lake house, where they spent the night lying naked in front of the grand stone fireplace drinking cheap strawberry wine and simply enjoying each other’s company.

Sure, she was angry with him now, but that was nothing new either. Gail was always angry, or so it seemed. They had some of the best sex when she was angry. During the course of their relationship, they had smashed furniture, broken mirrors, and wrecked hotel rooms. Once, she had even shot out the brand new tires on his truck with her father’s spare pistol in a fit of rage, as he had left her once again for another woman in hopes of finding some peace; only to be drawn back into her orbit, like a comet to the sun. On those nights, she would impale herself on him like a storm, tearing at his flesh in a furry of tears, and nails, and teeth. His body still bore the proof of their passion in the thin white lines running down his back that bloody scratch marks left behind. And he would burry himself in her, battering her body like a hurricane until release came screaming from his chest in a single wordless howl. And yes, she had cheated on him, but it was not like he had been the perfect example of fidelity over the years. Besides that had been with a guy. And THAT he knew how to deal with.

Their relationship had continued until one day she bought them a trip to Vegas on her mother’s stolen credit cards. It had only taken them less than four hours to win their way into the high-rollers room and score themselves a free luxury suite and as much alcohol as they could drink. He could barely remember the four star restaurant, or slipping the diamond on to her finger and promising to be her man forever through the haze of Tequila. The white dress that made her look like Marilyn Monroe he remembered better, as well as buying her a lap dance at the strip club where they ended up later. That had been hot! So was that Holly chick from forensics. The thought of them together was quite a turn on. Maybe when Gail stopped punishing him, he could get in on a little of that action with the two of them.  
They had talked about getting married in Vegas the next day, to leave the circus of their families out of their wedding day. Everything had been going so well until they got into a drunken fight back at the hotel, over what, he couldn’t remember. All he knew was that this one had scared the crap out of him! She had been in the shower, and he was blasting Godsmack on the stereo when she swaggered in naked, swigging tequila from the bottle. He had said something that caused her to smack him upside the head. The fight that ensued had been epic! In the end he had pushed her up against the wall and threatened to hit her. She had smashed the tequila bottle on the edge of the dry bar and brandished the broken glass like a knife. His hand still bore the scar from that too. He cut himself as he had taken it from her, and she had kissed him like lightning striking the tallest tree in a dry pine forest. The wildfire that followed had possibly been the best sex of his life. He woke early the next morning stone cold sober. He remembered watching her sleeping peacefully on the other side of the bed, her pail skin and hair still streaked with his blood. He knew in that moment that he had to go. He was afraid, afraid that if he stayed this would end like the ending of her favorite movie, Sid and Nancy.

It had taken him three days to hitchhike to Vancouver, where he ended up with a tattoo on his shoulder, and a one-way ticket to Afghanistan courtesy of the Canadian Royal Armed Forces. He had thought of her often during his deployment, but had done nothing to reach out to her. In-fact, they had had no contact until he had ended up here. It hadn’t taken them long to fall back into old patterns. He realized after that night on the beach, when she had finally given in to desire, the she was still his. When Andy had gone back to Sam, he had assumed he could sweet talk his way back into Gail’s bed. He was beginning to see that this might take some time.

He was watching her texting now, smiling at her phone with a soft expression he had never seen her use on humans over the age of six. What the fuck Gail! I know you’re not a dyke! What the fuck.


	14. Late Night Dim Sum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gail and Holly end up on a double date with Oliver and Celery. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please Comment!

She was running hard, and had been for the last half mile, her breath catching in her chest, desperately trying to ignore the growing stitch in her side. Sprinting was not her thing. Mother Fucker! She was gaining on him now. She was going to kill that stupid punk when she caught him! Where the hell was Dov anyway? The kid she was chasing swerved and ducked into an indoor flea market, slamming the door in her face. Damn it! She wasn't going to let him get away!

"Lady! Move!" She yelled, and swerved just a little bit too late. She tripped and tumbled, in her effort to avoid injuring the small child strapped into the baby stroller blocking her path. She bit her lip and tasted blood as she crashed into a large display of sunglasses. Crap!

The woman who had cluelessly pushed her yuppie baby stroller directly into Gail's way was still on her cellphone. She was now looking at Gail lying on the floor like Gail was the crazy one. The arson suspect was long gone. Lovely. Lucky for her, Gail was still too winded to speak.

Moments later, she was still sitting on the ground, trying not to think about throwing up, when Oliver jogged through the door and offered her a hand.

"Hey Peck, it's ok! We got 'em!" He announced cheerfully.

"We did?" She managed to gasp.

"Yup!" he pointed to the side door, "Ran out that door and right into Epstein and Collins!"

"Perfect." She grumbled, as she allowed Oliver to help her to her feet.

"Aww, come on Peck! You know what this means, right?" He smiled and bounced on his toes.

"What?" She asked, trying to decide if she was amused or annoyed. Amusement won. She loved Oliver, and was glad he was back.

"We're going to have to celebrate, you know." He grinned "Busting an arson setting punk, and my first bust since I've been back too!" He bounced some more clearly reminding her of a child who had been promised candy, "This time, this time we celebrate with some good old fashioned drinking, with our lovely ladies, of course." He winked at her.

She actually felt herself blush from her ears to her toes.

"Alright, it's settled then!" He said as he turned to go back to the car, leaving her rooted to the spot, gaping after him.

"Come on Peck! Let's roll!" he called over his shoulder.

She was a few steps behind him when she finally managed to shoot back, "Ok, but you're buying."

The day had been grueling, Nick had been downright weird, and not in a good way, and all she wanted to do now was to go home and curl up with a beer and World of Warcraft. Here she was in spite of it all, sitting at a table in this back ally bar, that she would not have dreamed of setting foot in had she not been meeting Holly there. When she and Oliver had arrived, she had seriously wondered why Holly had sounded so excited by Celery's suggestion. However, the high-octane exotic martinis and late night dim sum were definitely beginning to grow on her. She was busy picking at her insanely good steamed barbeque pork bun and shrimp dumplings, when Oliver went to order another round of weird, but tasty, Asian inspired cocktails. It greatly amused her that Celery and Holly had hit it off so remarkably well. She was watching them have an animated discussion about the preservation and cleaning of bones and the chemical analysis of various herbs when Oliver returned with their drinks from the bar.

"Who knew being a witch would make you such a nerd?" Gail complained. "Maggots! Ugh! That's disgusting!"

The two women turned to briefly look at her. Holly smiled and raised an eyebrow without ever breaking stride in their conversation.

Oliver laughed. "Yeah, I was afraid this might happen." He took a tentative sip of his drink, "Not bad." He mused, scarfing down another shrimp shumi. "It's funny how things happen, " He began, "you know, one day everything is great, and the next thing you know, you are waking up in the boot of some psycho's car."

Gail shot him a dark look and scowled, "What?" she said a little more sharply than she had intended.

"And all you can think about is your kids, and the beautiful woman you left in your bed that morning. And you wonder if you are ever going to see them again…" he continued.

"Oh," Gail says, "we're talking about you."

"Why?" He asked guilelessly, "Who did you think we were talking about?"

She shook her head and pointed at him.

"So, anyway, after you are found, and everything is supposed to be ok, you wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night, hoping your screams didn't wake the neighbors." He continued.

"Oh." She said, looking down at her cocktail.

"Hey! Are you going to eat that?" He reached over and snatched the half finished pork bun from Gail's plate.

She can't help but to shake her head and laugh.

"Wow, these are good!" He said, chewing. "You know, it's good to talk about these things with someone you know understands." He stopped inspecting his pilfered pork bun, and looks at her intently.

"Um, yeah, " She responds cautiously, "Yeah, I guess it does." Her martini glass is resting between her hands on the table. For some reason, she can't seem to take her eyes off of it. "Thanks Oliver!" She hears herself speak in a voice so soft she isn't sure if she really said it out loud.

"For what Peck? Saving you from the horror of having to eat this delicious pork bun? Cuz you know I will always be glad to eat your food!" He laughs

She looks up at him finally and smiles, "I know you will Oliver. I know you will.


	15. Love and Violation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your comments! I finally had time to finish this chapter.
> 
> Please Comment!

The door to her apartment was open when she got home, just a crack, but enough, and that kind of scared her. She pushed it open wider with the toe of her boot and stared into the inky blackness of her livingroom.

“Gail?” she called softly, wondering if by some happy twist of fate Gail had gotten off early and had come home to her.

Gail had been stuck on a stake out with Traci for over seventy-two hours straight, with no relief in sight. She heard a rustling noise from the direction of her kitchen and the distinct sound of glass clinking against her stone counter top.

“Gail, is that you?” She called again, a little bit louder now. She reached for the light switch on the wall, and flipped on the overheads. Nick was sitting on a stool at her kitchen counter, half empty bottle of tequila in his hand.

“Uh, Nick…” She started

“She’s not a dyke, you know.” Nick interrupted.

“What!” Holly answered incredulously

Nick got up and swayed unsteady on his feet.

“She’s not a dyke!” He repeated, gesturing at her with the hand that held the bottle.

“Nick, what are you doing here?” She demanded, wondering who she might be able to call to remove him quietly from her home.

“You know she’s not!” He stammered, taking an unsteady step in her direction.

He was starting to make her really nervous now. He took a swig from the bottle and advanced a few wobbly steps closer.

“Come on Nick, “ Holly said as firmly as she could manage, “You need to go home and sleep it off.” She was starting to pray that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. She reached into the pocket of her coat for her phone. “Here, “ she said, trying to sound calm, “Why don’t you let me call you a cab…”

Damn, he was fast! Was all she could think before he slammed her up against the wall and tore the phone from her grip.

“NO!” he screamed. And then regaining some control he said quietly, “I know what you’re doing.” throwing her phone across the room and pinning her to the wall, his forearm pressed up against her throat. His body was pinning her, the keys on his belt dug painfully into her hip, his face was merely inches from her own.

“What am I doing?” She whispered, shaking with fear now, and just a little bit of rage.

“She’s mine, you know.” He rambled, blue eyes shining with drunken intensity, “She’s mine. She always was, and she always will be.” And with that, he gave her one more shove that made her teeth rattle, pushed himself off of her, and staggered out her still open door.

She stood there frozen for just a moment, before taking a deep, shaky breath and rushing to close her door. A palpable sense of relief flooded her body as she slid home the deadbolt that had no keyhole on the other side of the door.

“Oh my God!” she breathed to herself. She paced across her living room several times, mind numb, adrenalin pumping in her veins. “Gail!” she exclaimed. Suddenly alarmed that he might be drunk enough to ambush her too

“Where the hell is my phone?” she wondered aloud, as she began to search.

She finally found it with a cracked screen, resting on her tevo, at the base of her television set.

“Shit!” she prayed, “Please don’t be dead!”

Miraculously, it lit up when she hit the on button. She hit Gail’s number on the speed dial. “Come on, answer your phone!” she begged.

Nope. It went to voice mail. “Shit!” She muttered as she paced, and tried again. This time Gail answered on the third ring.

“Hey Holly, what’s up? You know I can’t really talk right now…”

“Nick, it was Nick, “ Holly interrupted with a shaky breath, determined not to start crying. “He was here. He was drunk. He must have picked the locks on my place…”

“He did WHAT?” Gail exploded on the other end of the line. “Oh my God, Holly! Are you ok? I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch!”

“I’m ok, “ She stammered, “I’m ok, he didn’t hurt me. Really Gail, I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Gail worried “Listen, I don’t think I can come right now, but I don’t want you to be alone.”

“No, really I’m fine.” Holly replied “I just wanted to warn you, just incase he tries something stupid with you later.”

“Thanks Holly! I’ll keep that in mind! Don’t you worry about me, I can still kick his ass!” Gail practically growled, “Listen, you sit tight. Even if it’s not me, somebody will be there soon. If Nick shows up again, call me right away! Gotta go now. Love you!” And she hung up the phone.

Holly stood there for a moment looking at her silent phone. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, and she was starting to feel all shaky inside. She went to her kitchen and rummaged in her liquor cabinet. Pulling out a shot glass and her bottle of Gentleman Jack, with trembling hands, she poured herself a shot, spilling some on the counter as well. After quickly dispatching the first, she poured herself another. She sat to sip it slowly, her legs suddenly unsteady beneath her. She sagged, heart still pounding wildly in her chest. 

She didn’t know how long she had been there, numbly staring at her bourbon when the knock came on her door. She shuffled toward it.

“Who is it?” She called out

“Hey Holly, it’s me, Chris.” Came the reply.

She quickly opened the door to find him standing there, two large pizza boxes in one hand, a six-pack of beer in the other.

She realized, she had rarely been so happy to see anyone in her life!

“Hey Chris! Come in! Come in.” She ushered him inside, “Two large pizzas?” She quirked her eyebrows at him.

“Yup” He smiled, “Mike’s Special for us, and Pesto and Chicken for Gail, no tomatoes, hold the broccoli.”

“She’s on a stake out, isn’t she?” Holly asked, suddenly worried

“Umm, nope. Well, not after Steve comes and takes her place.” Chris replied

“Hey, that stake out is a big deal, isn’t it? I don’t want her missing out on opportunities because of this!” Holly said, beginning to become alarmed.

“I don’t think Steve and Traci mind being stuck in a tiny room together…” He winked at her. “Oh, and Dov and Andy may stop by later. Right now they are out looking for Nick.”

“What!” She was looking sharply at him.

“Uh, yeah, we were all hanging out at the hospital with Chloe and Sam in Sam’s room when Gail called.” He explained, “You know we all care about Gail. And Nick, well he’s not a bad guy. He’s just really fucked up right now..” Chris shrugged and spread his hands in an expressive gesture.

Just then Gail burst through the door looking rather unhinged. She rushed to Holly’s side and began running her wild eyes over Holly’s body searching for injury.

“Oh my God, Holly! I am so sorry! Are you ok?”

“Really Gail, I’m fine!” she said softly and then winced before she could stoop herself as Gail’s hands brushed over the bruise Nick’s keys had left behind.

“If you’re so damn fine, then what is this?!” Gail demanded, lips white with rage, blue eyes quickly turning to ice as she exposed Holly’s abdomen to reveal the red and purple blossom growing there.

Holly looked helplessly over Gail’s shoulder at Chris, who merely shrugged and waited. She cleared her throat.

“I guess he accidently bruised me with his keys when he pushed me up against the wall.” Holly said slowly.

“He WHAT?” Gail fumed, “I’m gonna kill the bastard!”

“Come on Gail, let’s all calm down.” Said Chris “Don’t do anything you’re gonna regret later.”

“Don’t fucking patronize me, Chris!” She rounded on him, eyes flashing.

“And when were you planning to tell me about this?” Gail snapped at Holly, and immediately felt bad for doing so.

“Gail,” Holly said in a soothing voice, “Let’s try not to escalate this situation any further, shall we?” She pulled Gail closer by her belt loops, until they were standing, hips touching with no room between them. “He’s drunk, you’re angry, I’m sure this will all look better in the morning.”

Holly was stroking her back under her shirt now in a way that made it hard to stay angry; hard to think of anything other than Holly’s hands on her skin. Holly pulled her closer and kissed her tenderly. Chris blushed, and looked away.

“Listen,” Holly continued, looking into Gail’s eyes, “you’re here now, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted! Why don’t we eat some pizza and go to bed.” 

“Um, guys… “ Chris interrupted “I don’t want to intrude, but I’m not leaving here tonight. Just in case.”“Thanks Chris!” Gail said, reaching out to him and pulling him into their embrace.

The three of them stood there hugging for a rare moment of outward affection. Breaking away, and wiping a tear from her eye, Holly said, “Yes, Chris, you don’t know how much this means to me too.”

Gail could only nod, and swallow the growing lump in her throat.

“Well,” Holly said briskly, “Come on Chris, why don’t I show you to the guest room where you can help me with the pull out couch.” 

“Wow! This place has a guest room? “ Chris said, eyes growing wide. 

Holly laughed, “It’s my office really.”

“Still…” Chris exclaimed, clearly impressed.

Later, after the plates from dinner were cleared, and Chris was lounging on the couch, remote in hand, hockey on the TV, Holly found Gail in the kitchen, searching the refrigerator for another beer. 

“Hey,” She said “Are you sure you really want that?”

“Why?” Gail asked turning to face her.

“Because,” Holly smiled, stepping closer, “As much as I would like to watch the game with someone who doesn’t simply tolerate it for my sake, wouldn’t you like to go to bed with me? 

She tugged at the buttons on Gail’s shirt, pulling her closer and kissing her in a way that made Gail go all weak in the knees.

When they finally pulled apart, Gail whispered, “I thought you’d never ask…”


	16. A Day in a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!   
> Please Comment!
> 
> Officers from the Fifteenth Division had been chosen to spearhead a taskforce on making sure the city’s homeless population had an indoor refuge from the cold, and cleaning up some of the vacant buildings that were quickly becoming dangerous tent cities and crack houses.

Gail hated hospitals with a passion. Yet here she was, with Nick, waiting for his IV to finish up in tense silence. No matter how angry she was, no matter what he had done, he didn’t deserve this. Nobody did.

It had been a week since the incident with Holly, and Nick was still pretty much on everybody’s shit list. Chris had offered to simply beat the crap out of him. Dov had told him off and was now freezing him out, snubbing him Gail-style at every opportunity, and not speaking to him otherwise. Andy just looked at him with eyes full of pity, and had not said a word to him other than stammering, “Save it Nick, I, I can’t right now…” after she and Dov had found him asleep in the back seat of his King Cab, with an empty bottle, a wicked hangover, and little memory of what he had done. Gail was still seething, blue eyes like lasers, stripping him down to the core. Although Holly was trying to keep up her usual unflappable exterior, Gail could tell the effect Nick’s visit had had on her.

The day had begun badly. Gail had awakened alone in Holly’s bed, with a knot in her stomach and a headache beginning between her eyes. It was still dark, and she hated getting up before the sun. When it became clear that Holly was not returning, she had thrown on a t-shirt and pajama bottoms, and made her way into the dark kitchen. Gail found her sitting at her kitchen island counter. Moonlight still streamed through the windows, making Holly’s skin glow, and her eyes seem immeasurably bottomless, and dark. Holly Stared off into space, wearing a strange, sad expression, hands still wrapped around a now cold mug of tea.

“Hey,” Gail said softly, coming up behind her, placing her hands gently on Holly’s hips. Holly didn’t move. Gail kissed her tenderly between her shoulders, at the base of her neck. “What are you doing?” 

She slid her arms around Holly’s waist. Holly leaned into Gail’s warmth, threading their fingers together on her stomach.

“I donno” Holly murmured “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I would make myself some tea instead of tossing and turning and waking you up.”

“You’re cold.” Gail nuzzled her ear, and kissed her just under the corner of her jaw. “It’s only four, come back to bed.”

“I don’t want to keep you up.” Holly yawned, “Just because I can’t sleep doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

“Come on.” Gail released her left hand and gave Holly’s right one an insistent tug. 

Holly groaned, but compliantly allowed Gail to lead her back to bed by the hand. They had just dozed off, or so it seemed, when Gail’s alarm went off. Ugh! Six a.m. had come too soon!

Gail knew the rest of today was going to be a bitch too! Members of the Fifteenth Division had been chosen to spearhead a taskforce on making sure the city’s homeless population had an indoor refuge from the cold, and cleaning up some of the vacant buildings that were quickly becoming dangerous tent cities and crack houses. Today they would be clearing an abandoned factory of its growing population of junkies, runaways, and drunks who sought shelter from Toronto’s winter there. Frank had explained that the Mayor and the Chief were concerned about the growing body count of homeless people who had succumbed to this harsh climate. The mother and child who had frozen to death in the back seat of the car, where they had apparently been living for some time, had, of course, brought this, on. It had made the news. Two days later, so had this campaign with her own mother front and center talking about how much the Toronto Police Force cared about the welfare of the city’s homeless. Wow, Gail thought, and it wasn’t even Christmas time. Turning it off and playing another round of HALO was all she could do to keep herself from gagging. She was sure that Elaine had something to do with the choice of officers involved, and prayed this wouldn’t end in an other attempt at a mother, daughter photo op.

Nothing had prepared her for having to ride with Nick today though. He had started to say something when she got into the car, but she had stopped him with a look, and hissed, “Let’s just get this over with.” Through gritted teeth.

The abandoned factory was vast and dark. It smelled like stale urine, burning garbage, and something far more sinister and chemical. The acrid smoke pouring from several recently extinguished metal barrels did not help the situation either. Although they were not necessarily there to make arrests, Luke had warned them to be careful, to consider everyone living there a threat, until proven otherwise. There were five squad cars, four ambulances, two fire trucks, and one van from forensics. Gail prayed that Holly was safely back at the lab. She felt the familiar rush of adrenalin, mixed with fear and excitement as they entered the building, flashlights on. There had been a small stampede as a number of ragged looking people had made a run for it. She and Traci had stopped a young mother, no older than fifteen or so, pushing her toddler in a shopping cart. She had attempted to run Gail over and had hit her right hip with the front of the cart in her attempt to escape. Ow! That would leave a bruise. Traci had drawn her weapon, and the girl had stopped. They had confiscated a small amount of marijuana, a baggie of cocaine, and were waiting for social services to remove her, and her dirty little spawn from their custody when they heard Nick yell. Gail pulled out her weapon and ran in his direction.

“Son of a bitch! I can’t believe you just did that!” He yelled again 

She arrived just in time to see him yank something out of his right thigh, just above the knee. He was standing over a greasy pile of rags illuminated by a rare shaft of sunlight under a dirty window. A bright pair of green eyes stared out of a living scull with long brown hair, of undetermined gender. Nick was now staring at a hypodermic needle in his hand, looking dumbfounded and a little bit lost.

“Let me see your hands!” Gail barked, pointing her gun at the person on the floor.

A raspy voice answered, “What are you going to do, honey? Shoot me?” The man on the floor said, with calm amusement, “I’m going to be dead soon anyway. Go ahead. Make it quick..” He laughed and began to cough.

“Fifteen oh four requesting medical transport and someone from forensics.” She radioed in not dropping her weapon or her gaze.

“Sir”, she repeated “I need to see your hands, NOW!”

“Awe, that’s so sweet.” The man on the floor replied, “No one in a uniform has called me Sir in quite some time. I would rather it was Pretty Boy here, but,” He paused, looking her up and down with a smirk, “I guess you’ll do.”

“What! Are you insane?” Gail demanded “Hands! Now!” 

She could feel Nick standing frozen behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to see him still staring at the needle in his hand, all color drained from his face.

“If you are not going to let me die here in peace, at least you could tell me your name.” The man said, and started to cough again. Blood stained his lips and he spit a big bloody gob near Gail’s shoe.

“Eew!” She exclaimed, backing away, “That’s just gross!”

“Alright, my name is Gail, but that would be Officer Peck to you.” She narrowed her eyes at him, “And you?”

“Christopher, Christopher Johnson.”

“Wait a minute.” Nick’s voice came from behind her, “Weren’t you the guy who was drafted to the Argonauts, and then disappeared before the first game of the season?”

“Very good, Officer Pretty Boy.” Came the reply.

“What happened?” Nick inquired

“What do you think happened?” Christopher snorted, “I got sick. And you know they couldn’t have no AIDS infested faggot on their team.”

“You have WHAT?” Nick was turning greenish grey now.

Christopher laughed bitterly. “That’s right,” he said, watching Nick carefully, “I have AIDS. Caught it from a pretty, pretty boy, like you.”  
“OK, that’s it!” Gail was looking impatient. “One last time before the medics get here, please take your hands out from under your blankets and put them where I can see them.”

She winced visibly as Christopher’s hands came to rest on his stomach. He was wearing nothing but a baggy t-shirt, his hands and arms were covered in livid, open sores.

“Happy now?” He asked tersely 

“Thank you.” She replied, lowering her gun slightly “Do you have any more weapons or sharp objects we should know about? If so, I need you to produce them now.”

“OK Gail, “ Christopher sighed, “Don’t freak out.” 

He reached under his blanket and produced a large kitchen knife, six more hypodermic needles, four of them still brand new and sealed in plastic, and one small lock blade.

“Is that it?” She asked

“That’s it.” He sighed, looking suddenly tired. “If you are going to arrest me, just do it. I’m beginning to need my beauty rest.”

“Christopher Johnson, you are under arrest for assaulting an officer with a deadly weapon.” She replied, not getting any closer.

“Aren’t you going to handcuff me?” He asked.

“No, “ She replied slowly, “We are going to stay here and wait for the medics to transport you to the hospital, where you will be under police guard until you are transferred into the prison system.”

He laughed, “I should live so long.”

“Hey,” Holly’s voice came up from behind them, “What’s going on here? Traci said you needed someone from forensics, now!”

Christopher coughed and shifted. “Great. And who is she?”

Holly shot Gail a quizzical look.

“This guy has AIDS and stabbed Nick with a dirty needle.” Gail shrugged.

“Oh.” Holly replied quietly, a look of concern replacing the somewhat annoyed expression on her face from seeing him standing there. She rummaged in her red forensics lunchbox. 

“Nick,” She said calmly, “Can you please put that hypodermic into this tube?” She produced a large plastic test tube with a screw on cap. 

“Ok.” He took it from her with shaky hands, but managed to complete the task and return it to her. She labeled it and stowed it neatly in her bag.

Just then the medics arrived. They searched him gently, but given that it turned out all he was wearing was the t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, held onto his body by a piece of rope, it was mercifully brief. 

As they wheeled him away on the gurney, Holly turned to Nick and said. “You need to go to the hospital ASAP and explain what happened. If you get onto PEP protocol anti-viral medication within two hours of getting a dirty needle stick, there is an eighty percent reduction in the risk of contracting HIV. The longer you wait, the greater the risk. They will explain it to you when you get there.”

“Um, thanks Holly!” Nick replied sheepishly, “And I’m really sorry about the other night…”

“Well that’s a start.” She replied coldly

“I had better take him. So we have to go.” Gail said, “Can you tell Traci what happened?” 

“Sure.” Holly replied “And I will call you just as soon as I get the results from testing this needle for genetic material.”

“Thanks Holly!” Gail kissed her on the cheek. “See you later?”

“You bet.” Holly replied and watched them dash off in the direction of Gail’s cruiser.


	17. Something to believe in

Thanks again for reading and for all of your reviews!

Please Comment!

 

She didn't know why she was here. Her friends were all downstairs. They were eating Chinese food and laughing at Oliver and Sam's stories. They were making such a ruckus that Sandra, Sam's nurse, had come in three times to tell them to keep it down. This was a hospital not a bar. They had all snickered into the beers that they had poured into paper cups like guilty teenagers. Oliver had offered Sandra an eggroll and serenaded her, with a little help from Dov and Chris, with an off key rendition of Sandra D. She had scolded, pretended to be insulted, and taken the eggroll, along with a plate of Moo Shi Chicken, shaking her head in mock horror. This was when Gail had slipped out and found herself here. Damn! It must suck to die alone! Or maybe it was better, she couldn't decide. In any case, she had been keeping a vigil by his bed for over an hour now, lost in thought, watching his chest laboriously rise and fall slowly. She wondered if this might be it, if she was too late. Why did she even care? She hated sick people. She knew that Chris and Dov would be looking for her soon. She was about to go when she felt him watching her, two bright green slits of eyes over the top of the oxygen mask, as sharp as her own blue.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Officer Gail" He gasped in a horse whisper.

"I know what you did." She said bluntly.

He smiled and tried to laugh, but it ended as a cough instead.

"Oh, really." He finally managed to croak.

"Why did you?" She asked

"You don't happen to have a cigarette, do you?" he replied

"Dude! You're on oxygen! And you have pneumonia!" She exclaimed

"Well, at least you can't say smoking will kill me." He smirked at his own bad joke.

"Are you going to tell me why or what?" She insisted

He sighed, "I heard him call your girlfriend a dyke." He watched Gail stiffen at his words. "She is your girlfriend, right? I mean, I may just be another dead fag, but I saw the way you two looked at each other."

"Um yeah, well, we have tried not to put labels on anything…" She stammered

"This not labeling thing, is that your idea or hers?" He was judging her now, his cool green eyes looked unimpressed. Why did she care, again?

"I'm really bad at this." She sighed.

He coughed and scowled at her.

"What." She demanded.

"I may not be proud of the things I've done, but I have never been ashamed of who I am! Take it from me life is too short. I can tell that you take pride in wearing that uniform, why not take pride in the rest of your life too? If you love her, don't be such a coward." He said

"I'm not a coward." She protested

"Oh honey, if you can't stand up for yourself, stand up for her, stand up for your love." He was angry now, gripping the rails of his bed trying to sit up. "I was a coward once. So, if you want to charge me with assault with a deadly weapon, well I won't deny that." He lay back in the bed and shook his head weakly

"But you didn't…" Gail began to protest again.

"Look at me." He wheezed, and coughed, "I could never wish this on anyone, but I am still guilty."

"What are you talking about?" She was confused.

"Listen, you want to know why I did what I did, right?" He offered

Gail nodded.

"I was just enjoying my little patch of sunshine when you all burst into our sanctuary. And here comes Officer Pretty Boy, and he sees your Girlfriend, and he spits in her direction and calls her a fucking dyke. I don't know if she even heard him, but I certainly did. And being the fabulous gay man I once was, I take this kind of homophobia personally. So, when he comes over to me, I thought I would teach him a little lesson." He started to laugh but ended up coughing and out of breath. He leaned back into his pillows; eyes closed waiting for the spasms to subside.

When he opened his eyes, he shrugged, "So when he came over and started giving me attitude, I stabbed him in the leg.

"But you didn't…" She said again arching her eyebrows at him.

"Infect him? No. I used a new needle. But he doesn't know that, now does he?" He winked at her. Gasping for breath, he cursed softly to himself. Suddenly, he looked tired and sad. "Look, I may have poked Officer Pretty Boy with an unused syringe, but I murdered my husband on the day I went to that stupid white party, picked up a beautiful stranger, and had wild, unprotected sex with him. And then denied it because I was too afraid to commit to one guy. Now I know love is all that matters, and it's too late. Don't be stupid, or afraid like me, go home to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel! I would give anything to be able to do just that. Who knows, if there is an afterlife, maybe I will see him again soon." He closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm tired now, you should go." He said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

She got up and looked at him for a moment. "Thanks Christopher." She said quietly.

He opened his eyes briefly, smiled a sad smile and closed them again.

Gail was standing in the hallway outside of Holly's place. She felt kind of stupid. Was this the kind of thing gay girls did? She wasn't sure, but she did know she had to do something. Her hands were sweating. This was ridiculous. She had never bought anyone flowers before, much less a dozen long stemmed red roses, like the ones she had purchased at the hospital gift shop. Her hand that was holding them was gripping the base of the bouquet so tightly she could feel the thorns through the paper. Should she let herself in? Maybe she should knock.

She knew Holly was mad, or hurt, or something. After receiving one short text about the results of testing for genetic material on the needle that had stabbed Nick, silence. That was just after lunch.

Yes, maybe she should knock. She fidgeted and wiped her sweaty palms on her pants. Shit. How did anybody do this and live? Maybe she should just forget it and go home. No. She was no coward. He could go fuck himself!

Ok, here goes. She raised her hand and knocked three times. Nothing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, letting the hand holding the flowers fall by her side. She knocked again, louder this time. There was movement on the other side of the door. Finally, it opened. Holly was standing before her wearing an old sweatshirt, yoga pants, and an annoyed, if somewhat quizzical expression, looking kind of rumpled like she had been asleep. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Gail. Did you forget your keys?" Holly asked flatly.

"Um, you didn't return my calls." There was a knot growing in Gail's stomach. It wasn't that late, was it?

"Uh, yeah, about that." Holly began, "I was going to call you to tell you not to come over tonight. I need some space to sort some things out in my head…"

Holly didn't want her. She was too late. She had done it again. Holly was leaving her, just like everyone else. It was like someone had just sucker punched her, hard. She tried to slam up her protective walls, to say something cutting, cruel even, but her mouth was too dry. She was bleeding. Holly was still speaking to her.

"So anyway, then I fell asleep on the couch." She continued "But since you're here…"

Gail thrust the flowers at Holly's chest. Holly's hands caught the package reflexively with both hands.

"I got you flowers and I just wanted to ask you if you would be my girlfriend but if you don't want to that's ok I mean I know you're mad and I'm not easy and I am probably fucking everything up and this is so stupid and I don't even know why… Oh never mind."

Gail spun on her heel and fled down the hall toward the emergency stairwell before Holly could see the tears

"Gail! Gail wait!"

Holly's words mad her stop in her tracks. She clutched her arms around herself and sagged, shoulders hunching. There was a hand on her shoulder now, touching her lightly. She marveled at how such a soft touch could cause so much pain!

"Gail." Holly said softly "What did you just say to me?"

Gail pulled herself in tighter. Holly was killing her. Why did she have to be so cruel? If they were breaking up, why was Holly touching her like that?

"Gail." Holly said again "Did I just hear you say that you wanted to be my girlfriend?"

Gail heard herself whimper as she nodded and looked at the floor.

"Gail," Holly was speaking again, "Can you please turn around?"

Gail whimpered again and shook her head. She knew she was breaking, shattering like ice, like glass. She willed the earth to open up and swallow her whole, but nothing happened. Holly was pulling on her shoulder now, trying to force her to turn. And somehow her feet gave in. She knew this because she was staring at them.

"I am not a coward." She mumbled to her shoes.

"WHAT?" Holly exhaled. "Gail, you are possibly the bravest person I know. What are you talking about?" Holly started to laugh. She knew it was wrong, but she just couldn't help it.

"Am not." Gail pouted "If I were, I would have told you before now."

Holly was laughing at her. There was a little zing of something like hope building in her chest. Holly's fingers were forcing her chin up. Holly's lips were on hers causing hope to blossom into desire. Her chest was cracking open. They were crushing the roses between them. She didn't care. Holly still wanted her! She knew in that moment that she would walk through fire to be here, where she belonged, with Holly.

"You are impossible, you know that." Holly breathed as they pulled apart. "You show up on my doorstep, you bring me flowers, you tell me you want to officially be my girlfriend," Her eyes sparkled as she smirked wickedly, "You taste really good, what's a girl to do? How am I supposed to stay mad at you?"

"So, does this mean you're not breaking up with me?" Gail asked

"Oh Gail, of course I'm not breaking up with you! I never was." Holly exclaimed "You know, just because I get angry sometimes, doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Oh." Gail said "That's good to know."

"Come on." Holly replied taking Gail by the hand, "Let's go put these flowers in water. And then," She arched her eyebrows suggestively, the sparkle in her eye was back, "I want to see what other surprises you might have for me tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Hmmmm... Perhaps I was not able to convey what's up with Holly as well as I might have liked. I will work on that.
> 
> For those of you who don't get what Holly is so mad about, she's not really all that mad at Gail. Since this chapter is from Gail's POV, Holly seems alot more angry with Gail than she actually is.
> 
> Holly is understandably upset about the incident with Nick, where he broke into her home and assaulted her in a drunken fit or anger and jealousy (see chapter 15). She feels like Gail should have done more about it at the time, and that Gail could be more supportive of her. She is somewhat frustrated by Gail's unwillingness to kick Nick to the curb, even after all that has happened. Holly is used to living by herself. She isn't trying to break off their relationship, or take space from Gail. She simply wants some time to herself to have the space and peace to sort out her thoughts and feelings about the entire situation on her own. She knows that it isn't fair to let her anger at Nick spill over onto Gail, but sometimes we can't help lashing out at the people we love the most when we hurt.
> 
> Gail knows that Holly has been traumatized and isn't sleeping well (See chapter 16). Holly has been less than her endlessly patient self with Gail lately, and Gail feels guilty about the whole thing. After being somewhat chastised by Christopher's little gay pride lecture (where he metiforically bursts into a rousing chorus of "I am what I am..."), she over-reacts (Gail style). If she had only let Holly complete her train of thought instead of making assumptions based on her past relationships and her own insecurities it probibly woud have gone like this:
> 
> "So anyway, then I fell asleep on the couch." Holly continued "But since you're here, I'm really glad to see you!"
> 
> But Gail freaks out instead.
> 
> Thanks again for all of your comments and for reading! I will post another real chapter soon!


	18. Trust

Thanks for reading! Gail gets a lesson or two about relationships and trust. If you don't want to read about girls getting it on with some slightly kinky smutt, stop now!

Please Comment!

 

It must have been four in the morning when Gail crawled into bed. She knew she probably should have gone home to her own apartment, but she was here, seeking refuge in the one place she had ever truly known solace.

Christopher was dead. For some reason, she had visited him every night this past week, after arresting him for assaulting Nick with a syringe. She had no idea why, but she couldn’t seem to leave him alone. He had replied in Japanese when she bragged to him that she spoke 5 languages fluently and a smattering of another three. They had spoken, in French, about the three years he had lived in Paris with his husband, and about her travels abroad with her parents when she was younger. She envied the wistful smile on his face as he spoke of his escapades in Europe and New York in his late teens and twenties. She had told him all about Holly and about her past relationships with Nick and Chris. He told her about being gay bashed, and left for dead in Central Park when he had been a student at Yale on a football scholarship, and how the athletic department had covered it up by saying he had been in a car accident. And she had finally confessed her nightmare, the abduction, the rape, her anger, and fear, and shame, and how waking suddenly in the dark, or catching an unexpected whiff of Old Spice, or taking taxis, still made her panic, at times for days. She snuck him chocolate icecream soft serve from the hospital cafeteria, and beer with a straw when the nurses weren’t looking. He was cynical and catty, witty and smart, open and vulnerable without ever being weak. It was weird. She actually cared. Even weirder, he liked her. She had arrested him, but he liked her. He even told her so, asking her to come back and visit him again.

When she had dropped by the hospital on her way home, only to find an empty room, the night nurse gave her the news. When she turned to go, the nurse called her back saying, “Officer, wait. I almost forgot. He wanted you to have this.”

She handed Gail a dog-eared paperback by Edmond White with a shaky inscription that read:  
“Live your life. Love yourself. Have no regrets. – C”

When Gail thanked her, the nurse had commented, “Well, at least he had you.”

She walked out of the hospital and spent the next six hours walking in the freezing rain with the book clutched in her hand.

She knew she had to finally deal with Nick too. If he ever came near Holly again, she was afraid she might just shoot him and end up in jail. That would be bad. Reporting him was out of the question; it would be career suicide, this she knew. She sighed heavily. It was all so overwhelming. Maybe Holly would know what to do. 

Holly smelled comforting, almost like warm milk, or the paws of a puppy when she slept. She was turned away, curled on her side, facing the wall. Gail slid as carefully as she could between the soft flannel sheets, trying not to wake her. Holly rolled over anyway, reaching out to pull Gail in to the comfort of her arms.

“Mmmm, hey, you’re so cold!” Holly complained sleepily, as she pulled Gail in tighter.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” Gail whispered, kissing her softly

“Too late for that.” Holly chuckled, “You and your cold feet. What time is it anyway?”

“I donno, it must be around four.”

“Good.” Holly replied, “I was just dreaming about you.”

Suddenly, Gail found herself flipped onto her back with Holly straddling her and pinning her hands roughly above her head.

“Holly?” What are you doing?” Gail asked, almost alarmed at how aggressive Holly had suddenly become.

“Shhhh..” Holly responded, leaning over to capture Gail’s unsuspecting mouth, kissing her hard. Her loose, dark hair fell around them like a curtain, it tickled Gail’s ribs. Gail was not ready.

“Uh, Holly?” Gail gasped, sensation flooding her. Her body responded as her mind reeled.

“Yes…” Holly pulled up, only to lean in and kiss Gail again.

Gail felt herself stiffen as Holly roughly pushed tongue past teeth, and tightened her grip on Gail’s wrists. She allowed herself to relax into the kiss, and begin to melt into Holly’s skin rubbing up against her bare torso. She let out a gasp, both excited and alarmed as Holly forced her legs apart with her knee. She felt her body begin to rock, and gush to the demands of Holly’s taught thigh. Her heart threatened to explode from her chest. Holly pulled away, leaning most of her weight onto Gail’s wrists.

“Do you trust me?” Holly demanded somewhat breathlessly.

“What? Why?” Gail gasped

“Do you trust me?” Holly asked, slower.

This was Holly. Holly would never hurt her.

“Ok...” Was all that Gail could manage.

“Stay right there,” Holly released her wrists, shifted, and reached for something next to the bed.

“Give me your hand” Holly demanded

Gail complied silently, holding out her right arm, wondering what Holly was up to. With the lights out, she could barely make out Holly’s silhouette in the dark.

Smooth, soft leather encircled her wrist. It synched tight as Holly worked the buckles. Her heart beat faster. She told herself she wasn’t afraid, she trusted Holly.

“Other hand please.”

She offered her left arm, hoping that Holly wouldn’t notice the slight tremor as she extended it. She was fighting down the panic in the pit of her stomach. She needed a minute.

“Holly?” she said quietly, as Holly worked the buckle tightly shut. “Can we stop for a sec.?

“Are you ok?” Holly asked, dropping one hand gently to Gail’s sternum, her other fingers softly grazing Gail’s cheek.

Gail held the hand on her chest in both of hers, feeling the unfamiliar weight of the cuffs on her wrists, and the cool leather and metal on her skin.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ok. I just need a minute.” She hated not being in control, it frightened her, but she was finding this to be strangely exciting. There was an entire flock of butterflies in her chest demanding to get out. She felt like she might cry, but didn’t want to disappoint Holly or make her think she didn’t trust her.

“Can you just come here for a second?” Gail said in a tiny voice. She felt weak, but she trusted Holly, and hoped she would understand.

Holly slid down the length of Gail’s body and rolled so she was holding her gently, lying side by side. She cupped Gail’s cheek and kissed her softly.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Her voice was now full of concern.

“Uh huh” Gail breathed her in and held on. “Can we maybe turn on a light, or something?”

“Ok.” Holly reached for the bedside lamp. “We don’t have to do this. We can stop…”

Gail’s eyes were large and indigo as she reached for Holly, pulling her back in, foreheads touching. She took a deep breath.

“Ok, I’m ready now.”

“Ok.” Holly whispered, looking into her eyes, and slid back on top of her. Holly kissed her tenderly, entwining her fingers with Gail’s. The kiss deepened. Holly slipped her tongue between Gail’s lips, tasting and teasing. Gail opened her mouth wider, inviting her in with a moan. Their bodies rubbed together, the soft sweetness of skin on skin, holding on, breathing harder now. Holding Gail’s gaze, Holly brought their hands back above Gail’s head, pinning her down once more.

“I need you to trust me.” Holly breathed in Gail’s ear.

“I do.” Gail whispered back.

Holly’s breasts lightly rubbing up and down on her own were beginning to make Gail crazy. Her skin was to smoldering from the light friction. Any second now, she was sure the sheets might catch on fire.

“You’re sure? You trust me?” Holly teased an upright nipple between tongue and teeth. Gail gasped and whimpered.

“I trust you!” Gail proclaimed, breathless now as Holly sucked and nibbled on it again. “Oh, that’s not fair!” She moaned and arched her back to try and push her breast further into Holly’s mouth. Holly laughed softly into the flesh, sucking harder.

“Good!” Holly stated pulling back with a wicked grin, as she pulled Gail’s arms wide open, snapping the rings on the cuffs on to little hooks on either side of the headboard that Gail never knew existed, until now. Holly was sitting upright, straddling Gail’s hips, rubbing herself lightly over Gail’s pelvic bone, hands pressing into the mattress on either side of Gail’s head. She cradled Gail’s head in her hands as she leaned over to kiss her once more, smiling into Gail’s mouth as she heard her moan louder. From there she slowly made her way down Gail’s body with lips, and tongue, and finger tips, making Gail gasp, and writhe and pull against her restraints. As she lowered herself between Gail’s legs, she stopped, and sat up, giving Gail arched eyebrows and a crooked smile. Suddenly, she grabbed Gail’s legs underneath and pulled them up while scooting closer, so Gail’s weight was resting on her shoulders, her feet pushed into the air over her head.

“Holly? What the???” Gail gasped

Holly knelt and scooted closer still, resting Gail’s lower back on her lap. She spread Gail’s legs wide, hands prying apart her inner thighs. Holly felt a jolt and gush of wetness between her own legs at the sight. Gail let out a ridiculously sexy low moan as Holly leaned in and breathed warm air on her exposed center. She found Gail’s waiting core with her tongue probing deeply. Gail moaned loudly, pulling hard on the cuffs. She cried out as Holly’s thumb found her clit and rubbed, erasing everything in Gail’s head. She was lost in the sensation. Holly’s tongue found its way there soon enough as she ran her hands across Gail’s stomach, seeking Gail’s breasts. She rolled Gail’s nipples between her fingers, causing Gail to whimper. Holly let go of one of her nipples and stroked Gail’s inner thigh. She was aware that Gail was more aroused than she had ever seen her. Gail cried out and strained, hands clenching on air, spreading her legs wider as Holly entered her with two stiff fingers, wishing she had some place to brace her feet. Her legs hooked over Holly’s shoulders as Holly leaned in to apply her tongue again. Gail’s breath was coming in cries and gasps now, her whole body shook. She tried to hold it together, but she knew she was going to break.

“Oh. My. God.” She gasped on a horse whisper, “Oh my God, Holly!”

Holly moaned softly in response. This was it. She almost feared the intensity of it, even as her body strained harder seeking release. The crimson flush spreading on alabaster skin spurred Holly on.

“Oh. My. God. Holly. You’re. Going. To. Make. Me. Cum!” The last word was a sob that tore from her as she crashed into her orgasm. It swept through her like a tsunami. Holly’s hand on her stomach was comforting, like an anchor. Sobs wracked her body. She was drowning, sinking; there was no air, no surface, no light. Holly lowered her gently to the bed. She was helpless as she wailed. She could feel Holly frantically working the buckles on her wrists. Her arms were free! Holly was cradling her. She clung on, wrapping her arms around Holly’s ribs, burring her face in Holly’s shoulder. There was pleasure, and pain, and beauty and need. She was crying hard, gasping for air, and she couldn’t stop. Tears sliding down her cheeks and pooled in her ears. Her chest was cracking open, her heart and soul lay exposed on the bed. She was safe. Here in Holly’s arms, she was safe. Holly’s strong arms, that held her with soft hands that stroked her hair and soothed her back to life.

“I got you. It’s ok. I love you, Gail. I love you.” Holly whispered, “I got you.”

Gail finally took a shaky breath and pulled slightly back. “I love you too. “ she answered.

Holly looked at her with concerned, loving eyes. “Are you ok?” she asked quietly

She sat up. “I’m ok. Better than ok! But, shit. I need a tissue!” she laughed softly.

Holly handed her one, still looking concerned. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

She wiped the tears from her face, and blew her nose. She felt shaky, but lighter than she had in a long time.

“Mmmm… That was…” Gail’s body fired off another after shock spasm “intense…” She leaned over to kiss Holly. Holly opened her arms and Gail slid into her embrace. The kiss became more heated, breathing each other in and out. Gail was on top now

and Holly found herself more than ready. As Gail began to lower herself down Holly’s body, but Holly pulled her back up.

“Stay here with me. I want to see you!” Holly whispered, breathing hard.

“In a minute.” Gail smiled and teased one of Holly’s nipples with her tongue as she slid her hand between Holly’s legs. Holly was so turned on that Gail’s light touch almost sent her over the edge. She writhed and bucked against Gail’s hand.

She cried out as Gail’s fingers penetrated her. Gail’s hand was driving her now and Gail was riding her thigh, Holly’s fingers digging into her butt. They were kissing, desperately trying to consume each other, with tongues and lips. Gail’s other hand tangled in her hair. Holly wanted every inch of Gail’s electric skin to merge with her own, arching into her, their bodies slick with sweat. As Gail pulled out of the kiss, Holly opened her eyes to find Gail watching her intently, gauging each breath, each reaction. Oh God, she loved this woman! She fell into those deep blue eyes, as the first wave of her orgasm unfurled from the base of her spine. She called out Gail’s name, pulling Gail over the edge along with her.

When it was over, they lay there, breathing hard, still holding on, not wanting to lose contact with each other’s skin. Content was the only word Gail could think of to describe how she felt. She wasn’t sure if she had ever felt this way so completely before.

“So much I want to tell you but...” Gail said with a sleepy yawn. “Can’t keep my eyes open.”

Holly laughed softly, and snuggled in closer. “You don’t have to work today, do you?”

The first grey light of morning was making its way through the bedroom window.

“Nope.” Gail mumbled, “I have two whole days off.” And promptly fell asleep before she could hear Holly’s reply.


	19. It's only Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the holiday season is upon us, and I don't know when I will be able to get back to this. Please excuse my change of perspective, this was going to be a one-off and then it evolved. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> As always, your comments are much appreciated!

I think I never knew what love was, until now. I mean I had seen the evidence, watched my parent's relationship all my life, my father's adoration, my mother's ridged stature surrendering to the softness of his attention. I thought I had been in love, but there was always something missing. No one had ever looked at me like the way he looked at her. Sometimes, when they thought they were alone, I would catch them late at night, standing in each other's arms under the soft overhead light of the kitchen counter, or her sitting over a mountain of paperwork in her office, him coming up behind to rest a hand on her shoulder, kissing her softly on the head, and whispering in her ear. He could still make her blush after all of their years together, suddenly proclaiming his love or making declarations about her beauty. He never saw that she was like Kali, who ate her own children, only love, as she turned a different face to him. My brother saw that love reflected in her eyes more often than I; he, who was the image of our father in his youth, and bore more of our father's temperament. Ours was a more difficult relationship. I am told that I remind her of her own mother, in both personality and appearance. I wouldn't know. She never spoke of her, and there were few photographs. Sometimes, I doubted my mother was ever a child.

My Grandfather lived at the lake house, where we visited him every summer. He was my Father's father, and I lived for his attention and love. When I was five, he patiently taught me how to tie my own shoes, after finding me tearfully attempting to do it myself. Steve was seven then, and had called me a baby, because I didn't know how. He had taunted me about the Velcro straps on my sneakers and told me that next year, all of the other kids in kindergarten would be smarter than me, and only dummies wore Velcro. He didn't know Grandfather was watching. When Steve left, he soothed me like you would a stray dog or a shy horse, speaking to me softly in his native French. Later, he taught me to read time on his gold pocket watch, and slowly, as I grew, how to speak French and ASL. ASL was like our secret spy language. He would wink at me and sign behind my mother's back, or across the living room during "family time" after dinner when I would rather be out in the yard catching fireflies or reading a book.

Love was like a distant Island, or an oasis that offered its cool, life-giving water to others, but rarely to me. I became like a desert creature, growing a thick skin and an array of poisonous barbs to insure my survival. In my freshman year of high school, I became the fat girl, living on sugar, and fast food, and spite. My mother sent me off to boot camp to redeem myself, but not before taking some very unflattering pictures of me in a bikini, pictures that she still shows people to this day. It was there I learned to run, and shoot, and drink, and lie. Many of the other girls were there to avoid going to Juvi. Late at night we would sit up in the bunkhouse, playing truth or dare, or strip poker, smoking cigarettes and drinking whatever alcohol one of the older girls could buy from the kitchen boys with blow jobs and what little money came from home.

Helen was sixteen, fearless, and beautiful. Her hazel eyes missed nothing. We ran together every morning. She took me under her wing, protecting me from the cruelty of the other girls. By the end of the summer, I had dropped fifty pounds, and picked up some of her confidence. She was so glamorous! She taught me about boys, and how to use eyeliner, and how to kiss. She had a thirty-year-old, coke dealing, boyfriend back home who drove fast cars, and owned racehorses for kicks. She told me, with a far away look in her eye, about the night he snuck her into the stables and had her ride bareback on his most valuable steed, wearing nothing but a necklace of stolen emeralds and diamonds from Brazil. I can still imagine her, with her porcelain Irish skin, and red hair glowing in the moonlight. I didn't know what to do with my feelings for her then, so I buried them away under my growing tough-girl, snow queen exterior, and forgot about them. I think part of my reason for becoming a cop came when I discovered, several years later, that she had been beaten to death by her boyfriend in a fit of coked-up rage, her body dumped in a nearby swamp. A fact my mother casually dropped at the dinner table one night, watching me closely as I schooled my reaction.

And then there was Nick. I hated the fact that I still loved him. He was like an addiction that I was quickly learning to break. In spite of everything, the anger, the abandonment, the betrayal, and above all the fact that I loved Holly immeasurably more than I had ever loved him, there was still something there. Just one kind word, and I was hooked, or used to be. And it was killing me! He had arrived in my life like a cyclone during the summer I had taken a job as a waitress to spite my mother instead of going to collage. After graduating from high school, at the top of my class, surprising everyone but myself, it had been a year of heavy drinking, light drug use, one night stands, and other reckless behavior, as my shrink would say. My grandfather had died the year before, so I spent as much time as I could hiding out in his now empty home by the lake, trying to feel his loving presence in my life. Nick loved me, and I thought his love was going to save me. Through three volatile years, we had loved, and fought, and used each other to forget the pain of our families and the outside world, for a time. That was before he disappeared from our hotel room in Vegas, leaving me for the next five years with only a note that said, "I love you, but I can't do this."

I was twenty-three and I wanted to die. My father coaxed me to move back into my old bedroom in their home and go back to school. I had done well, losing myself in my studies. I had even allowed myself to be recruited to the police academy in my senior year. Everyone thought it was because I was a Peck, but really, I just wanted to do something that mattered with my life. And then he returned, riding that damn bike of his back into my life with no warning, just as suddenly as he had left. He was now a fucking decorated war hero, and quickly becoming division fifteen's golden boy. I'm sure my mother had something to do with this, but I knew I would never be able to prove it. We had tried again, or rather, he had worn me down, using a considerable amount of boyish charm, and finally Tequila, to get back into my bed. After the disaster with Perek, and then nearly losing my badge, I need him, truly needed him. And he had disappeared again, without a word, only to reappear six months later acting like it was nothing. I fucked up, cheating on him with his superior officer, as I tried to exact revenge in a fit of jealousy and pain. The sex had been terrible, and left me feeling empty and raw instead of vindicated. In truth, Nick had left me long ago. And now, he was trying to use the guilt I felt about that incident to manipulate me. He had assaulted the one person who saw right through my bullshit, and loved me the way I love her. I couldn't believe how angry I was! After all that had happened between us, he thought he could just waltz back into my life and demand me back from Holly? No way! I wanted him gone, but I knew I had to be careful. Rumors of the assault along with rumors of our relationship were quickly making the rounds of the department. People were taking sides. I knew I would eventually have to make a stand, if only for Holly's sake. Holly suggested we discuss the matter with Oliver and Celery over dinner next week. She invited them to come over and watch the game, and I was appalled to discover that Celery was a hockey fan!

Ok, to be fair, I am basking in front of the TV on Holly's couch, wearing nothing but boy-shorts, wool socks, and her Maple Leafs jersey, still wrapped in the duvet from her bed. Watching endless episodes of Myth Busters has been giving me the much needed time and space to relax by myself and think. I was just starting to doze off again, when I heard the front door click open. Smiling to myself, I listen to Holly going through her home coming ritual, the rustle of her outer layers being removed and hung, the jingle of keys landing on their hook by the door, the scuffle of shoes, kicked carelessly onto their matt, and the click of a deadbolt sliding shut. I don't move, pretending to be asleep, enjoying expectation of what comes next. I can almost see her smile as I hear her sigh and walk quietly on bare feet in my direction. She leans over the back of the couch and brushes the hair from my face with gentle fingers. I open my eyes to catch her biting her lower lip and smiling that fucking adorable, goofy, love sick, smile she sometimes does. I tilt my face up for a kiss hello.

"Hey beautiful!" She sighs into my mouth, "I was hoping you would still be here!"

Her eyes are almost dark amber in the late afternoon light, liquid, and warm. I reach up to take her hand, "Come sit with me." I ask with a languid stretch, and smile. "You're early. What are you doing home?"

She makes her way around the couch, not letting go of my hand. I pull back the duvet and invite her in.

"What's this?" She plucks at the neckline of her jersey I'm wearing. "I didn't think you liked hockey. Did you pull that out of my laundry?"

I grin and blush, ducking my head under a corner of the quilt. It smells like her. She knows that I am wearing it because it's just so, her, but she can't resist teasing.

"It's the middle of the afternoon, you're home. Is everything ok?" I ask, sitting up straighter.

"Your friend Christopher ended up in my lab this morning, so I took the rest of the day off to see if you were ok." Holly said quietly. "You could have said something…"

"If I recall, it was late, and then there wasn't much talking, though we might get a noise complaint from your neighbors, again." I smile, and dig under the covers into the seam of the couch where the cushion meets the arm, "He left me this." I hand Holly the book, suddenly serious. "I just wish things had been different…" I sigh.

She is reading the inscription now, with a soft expression on her face. She looks back up at me and pulls me close. "Tell me…" She arches her eyebrows at me, her face says it all.

"I've done a lot of thinking over the last few days," I look into her beautiful, brown eyes, and never want to be anywhere else. "I'm sorry if I haven't been the best girlfriend lately. But I wanted you to know, that I'm done with Nick. He has no right to say anything about me, or you, or us! I am so angry with him for breaking in here and hurting you. I want to kill him, dead! But I have to work with him, and I don't know what to do."

"Really Gail, he didn't hurt me, he did shake me up, but he didn't hurt me." Holly says, trying to sooth me, but she won't look me in the eye.

"Whatever." I say, clearly not impressed. "You mean more to me than anyone, more than he ever did." I hear myself admit.

Holly looks up, suddenly emotional, unspilled tears glistening in her eyes.

"I don't know how this happened, or where it will go, " I take a deep breath and go on in-spite of myself, "but I'm so glad you found me when you did! All I know is, I want to be your plus one forever. For real."

"Are you asking me what I think you're asking?" Holly says in a hushed tone, her eyes growing wider.

"Yeah, yeah, I think I am." I smile at her, and kiss her like this time could be the last. "I want to come home to you, and make you smile, and see what you look like in the morning when you wake up for the rest of my life."

The tears come silently now, escaping from her eyes as she bites her lip and smiles again. "Yes!" She whispers, "The answer has always been yes!"


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little chapter to help fill in the blanks between this story and Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder. I hope you enjoy it. You asked for it. You got it.
> 
> Once again, I love hearing from you! Thank you for all of your comments, PMs, reviews, and Tweets!

She received the voicemail from Gail just about an hour ago, something rambling incoherently on about putting her name in for an undercover assignment, trying to fix her career and make something of herself. She sounded so small and shaky on Holly's phone it broke her heart. She hated it when Gail sounded that way. It was pretty clear that Gail had spoken with her mother between the time she had left the morgue and whenever she got back to the station. To make matters worse, Holly was fairly sure Gail had been drunk when she made the call six hours ago, when Holly had been sleeping. Isn't that what people did at three o'clock in the morning? And now she wasn't answering her phone. So much for having a quiet Saturday.

Gail and Dov were sitting in stony silence at the kitchen table when Holly let herself into Gail's apartment. If looks could kill, Dov should have died a thousand painful deaths by now. This couldn't be good.

"Hey Gail. Hey Dov. What's up?" She greeted them cautiously.

"Mister I'm So Fucking Self-righteous over here was just telling me that putting my name in for the up coming under cover assignment is unfair because I'm a Peck." Gail snarled, pointing at Dov with the spoon from her cereal.

"Well it is!" Dov insisted, "You know your name and connections will put you straight to the top of the list!"

"Like that worked out so well for me the last time I thought my family connections would help me out." Gail shot back.

"Oh, come on Gail! You got off with a slap on the wrist because of mommy and daddy. If you were anyone else, well, it would have been their badge." Dov replied.

Holly felt her heart beating faster as a flush of indignation rose in her cheeks. She couldn't believe Dov was being such a jerk! Couldn't he see the damage he was doing to someone he called a friend? Gail lashed out in anger before she could step in and say anything.

"That's not true, and you know it Dov. I don't know why I even cared. And besides, what's it to you if I put my name in for this? It's not like I'm competing against you. Come on Holly, let's get out of here!" Gail got up so quickly it almost sent her chair flying across the room as she grabbed Holly by the wrist and stormed to her room.

Holly stood silently watching as Gail flung open dresser drawers, and began throwing clothes into a waiting duffle bag.

"What are you doing?" She finally asked softly, causing Gail to stand up suddenly.

"Isn't it obvious?" Gail fumed, "I just need to leave these losers behind for a while."

Holly took a step closer. "Ok." She said calmly.

Gail turned to fall into those calm brown eyes that seemed to look right into her very soul. She took a deep breath.

"What if it's true?" She asked quietly, "I mean, nobody seems to think I could possibly be good enough to make it on my own... I donno sometimes I think… I wonder… what if they're right…"

"Gail," Holly reached out to stroke the side of Gail's face gently, cursing every single person that ever made her feel this way, "You are strong, and smart, and good at what you do…"

Gail sighed, leaning in to interrupt Holly by kissing her softly, as she returned the caress. Wrapping one arm around Holly's waist while tangling her other hand in the hair at the base of Holly's head, she opened her mouth inviting Holly in, and allowed herself to get lost in the moment. There were times that she was still amazed at how much Holly could simply love her. It made her dizzy. She whimpered slightly as they pulled apart, missing the intoxicating comfort of Holly's mouth on hers. As they leaned their foreheads together Holly tightened her arm around Gail's waist.

Stroking Gail's cheek, she said softly, "I hate it you know. I hate it that your mother and idiots like Dov can make you feel less than the amazing, beautiful person you are!"

"Really?" Gail's eyes were big and trusting, before she looked bashfully at the floor, "You think I'm amazing and beautiful, do you?"

"Uh huh," Holly breathed out, tilting Gail's face up and closing the gap between them again.

This time, as their lips met, comfort turned quickly to hunger and want and need.

 

Holly loved watching Gail put on her makeup. There was something so intimate about the complete level of concentration she applied to this task and the satisfied look on her face after she blotted her lipstick that always made Holly feel like a voyeur. It was such an ordinary thing and yet so deeply sexy Holly decided. She was sitting cross-legged on Gail's bed, wearing nothing but an old Star Wars T-shirt that she left here for times like this.

"So, tell me about this under cover assignment…" Holly began softly.

"You know I can't talk about it." Gail leaned forward to examine herself more closely in the mirror, but Holly could tell she was watching her too.

Holly pulled a face that said it all.

"Ok, ok…" Gail continued. She stood up but didn't turn around, "There is a gang running guns and drugs across the border from Detroit, mostly. An international taskforce has been set up with the FBI, and they need one man and one woman to pose as a couple."

"That sounds dangerous…" Holly said, trying to catch Gail's eye in the mirror.

"Yeah, well, I guess it could be." Gail admitted as she finally turned to face her, "The worst part is, who ever gets this will be gone for months with no contact…"

"I know." Holly said quietly, looking down to pull at the hem of her shirt between her legs.

"I wouldn't worry about it. They are never going to pick me." Gail said bitterly, "Not if my mother has anything to say about it."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Holly extended a hand to Gail, pulling her to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I hate it when you put yourself down." She breathed into the side of Gail's neck while wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her close.

Gail closed her eyes and leaned into the warmth and comfort of Holly's chest.

"I'm gonna miss you terribly. You know that don't you?" Holly whispered.

"Don't worry Holly." Gail sighed, "It's never gonna happen."

**Author's Note:**

> "After All" is a reference the title of a Dar Williams song from her Album "The Green World" that makes me think of Gail Peck's evolution.


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